A CisLady View on Transgender Awareness Week
In case you missed it, November 13 through 19 is Transgender Awareness Week. GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) has this to say:
The week before Transgender Day of Remembrance on November 20, people and organizations around the country participate in Transgender Awareness Week to help raise the visibility of transgender people and address issues members of the community face.
Unless you have been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about transgender people. You’re probably struggling under the weight of a whole slew of “new” gender identifications. It’s okay. We’re all trying to figure it out.
This lovely creature is the Gender Unicorn (nabbed from Trans Student Educational Resources). It’s a really good start to begin understanding gender identity, expression, sex, and physical and emotional attraction.
For anybody born before 2000-ish, this probably looks like a foreign language. I mean, we were raised with male and female and those were your choices. To those of us born in the last century, it can seem like “these people” are trying to change the way things are and always were.
But the fact is, it has always been this complex. Just because society didn’t recognize the spectrum of gender and gender identity, doesn’t mean people didn’t always find themselves at different places on the gender spectrum. And their wanting to be accepted is not changing anything but the way we recognize and treat them.
It’s Not Their Problem — It’s Ours
So why should cis people struggle to wrap their heads around this when it doesn’t affect us personally? Well, first off, it’s a douche move not to, and we don’t want to be douches, do we? We want to live in a society that embraces the diversity and individuality of all its members, and that includes our gender-diverse friends and neighbors.
Secondly, if you’re clinging to the “there are only two genders” bandwagon as it rides over that cliff, you’re wrong. Scientifically wrong. And we’re not in the business of ignoring science, are we? That’s for those other people. If you’re an enlightened citizen of the 21st Century, it’s time to crank up your brain machine and accept the scientific truth that gender is a complicated, amazing, wildly diverse playground through which we romp in our decades on the planet.
It’s not the job of the gender-diverse community to change. It’s our job to catch up, and quickly because life is hard enough for those of us who don’t fit neatly into the so-called gender norm.
How Not to Be a Jackass
GLAAD lists a whole bunch of tips for cis allies. They’re pretty basic, like don’t ask about their private parts and don’t “out” them.
But there are some more subtle ways you can be a douche without even knowing you’re doing it. GLAAD includes the following list of things not to say to a transgender person:
“I would have never known you were transgender. You look so pretty.”
“You look just like a real woman.”
“She’s so gorgeous, I would have never guessed she was transgender.”
“He’s so hot. I’d date him even though he’s transgender.”
“You’re so brave.”
“You’d pass so much better if you wore less/more make-up, had a better wig, etc.”
“Have you considered a voice coach?”
But I Don’t Even Know a Transgender Person
Maybe you don’t. Maybe you do and don’t know it. Maybe you know someone who is questioning and is too afraid to tell you. But the reality is, as our world gets more and more intertwined, understanding gender and its subtleties is going to become more and more important.
Back in the 2000s, when I found out one of my old friends had transitioned, it was hard. I say this as an out lesbian who has been active in the LGBTQ community since the 90s. It was hard.
Because, even though I’m a lesbian, I’m also cis. I’ve never felt anything like the gender dysphoria so many of our transgender friends experience. I won’t lie — it took me a while to wrap my brain around it. And I’m damn glad I did the work, because every day I meet new friends on the gender spectrum. They deserve allies who are not afraid to stretch their brain beyond their comfort zones. They deserve to live in a world that accepts them for who they are, not who they are supposed to be.
It take work to change your understanding of something that has been so deeply ingrained since childhood. But you can do it. You have the power. And you have the obligation, because this is not a fad that’s going away.
The world is evolving. You can evolve with it, or go the way of the dinosaurs.
