A day like today

6 years ago…

On Thursday afternoon of September 19th of 2013 I arrived to Glasgow, a place that I didn't know, on which I expected to remain at least for year, and now, six years later, is the place I call home.

It’s crazy, amusing and fun the turnarounds of life, how things can look so differently from the moment you experience them, to the moment you remember them.

At times feels vague, at others very vivid, and in between are the gaps and collages of images our brains accumulate to make us revisit those places, see those faces, be back in time.

It’s also crazy how things change, people that previously never existed become prevalent. Some that once really mattered, vanish forever from your life. Others come and go, and is up to us to keep them close. Sometimes is hard, sometimes it hurst. Sometimes it’s just too much or too many. Sometimes it’s just cowardly, cowardly of facing the fact that you never called back.

It’s crazy how, one day you struggling to get money in your pocket and then another one you look back, several years have passed and you’re now thinking to buy house. You question yourself about how that, that before was a struggle was sufficient but not double than that seems not enough.

There’s guilt about those left behind, those have not had the same opportunities. For not knowing how to deal with it and having disappeared from their lives.

There’s also pride of knowing that every single thing you have and have achieved, it’s because of you and you only, your hard, your commitment, your sacrifice. That, no one can ever take away.

Six years is a long time, and a lot of things have changed since.

I’m not the same person that arrived to this country six years, and for sure, I’m not the same person that left my home country either.

I have smiled, I have cried. I’ve been happy, sad, lost, betrayed, depressed, scared, but I never gave up.

I remember this one time. I had already spent a year here and the honeymoon was starting to fade, really starting to kick. Party is over, time to resume life as we know it. I figuring out things. What to do next? I was alone, but I was also lonely.

I remember getting these new speakers, good ones. There I was, sitting on the floor, listening to music. I would spend hours there, singing, remembering, going back in time to songs or albums that have not heard in years. Suddenly I was not alone anymore. I don’t remember much more than that, but I knew it was going to be ok. I was going to make it ok and, I made it ok.

Five years after that, a lot have changed, a lot remains the same. That’s life, constant and ever changing. Some times in equal manner, some time it just slaps you in the face, but here I am, sitting on the floor, thinking again, wondering, questioning, reflecting, as I always do. I’m thinking about whatever is going to come next again, and although it still scary at times, it will probably always be, I’m optimistic, because even during the biggest adversity, lowest lows and the darkest times I never gave up. I struggled, yes, like we all do, but I never gave up.

To you, Glasgow, thank you so much for everything. I owe you big time and will always love you.

Until the next time.

Jo.