Karma or Divine Justice?
Self-reflection led me to just not care.
Are all people evil?
This thought has been occasionally rummaging through my mind since I was in high school, and while I know this question is nothing new or out of the ordinary, I consider it to be one that you can only answer for yourself.
In my case, I would come to this conclusion: Unless someone is caught committing a crime against a person’s right to live, no one can tell exactly if you are good or bad. Which is in no way a conclusive response, or a response at all.
Of course, I asked myself, am I a good person? Are thoughts enough to condemn someone? If I don’t go out of my way to purposefully hurt someone, that means I’m good right?
But what about my thoughts? If I support the “an eye for an eye” mentality, or maybe Karma, is that morally correct? And what if I called it Divine Justice? Would it make it more acceptable?
Probably.
What goes around comes around, but, should I wait to see it happen?
These doubts would come to me in two circumstances:
- I find out someone I know did some really bad stuff, and it’s hard to believe because “they never showed signs of being capable of doing something like that.”
- Watching the news and seeing some big celebrity turning out to be a proper asshole who committed crimes against someone’s integrity.
My reaction would usually be: “Wow, that’s awful, I hope they get what they deserve.” And mom would immediately jump in to reprimand me for wishing on someone’s downfall.
So, when is it acceptable to hold onto grudges without becoming blinded by them?
You can forgive and forget, but deep inside, you might not be able to let it go until you find peace in any form. Whether by the people who hurt you getting a taste of their own medicine, or removing yourself from that situation forever.
I learned that the latter keeps the greatest value.
Before that though, I was consumed by the thought of getting someone back. Because I felt my value as a person was tainted by what these people did to me. As if only by “revenge” I could make things even.
This eventually proved to be only an adrenaline rush that kept me alert for a while, savoring the taste of “victory,” putting my worth in an act that came from anger or even humiliation. But the thing is, you get addicted to adrenaline rushes, and come to live by fight or flight instinct, waiting for someone to hurt you to lash out and retaliate.
If you are concerned about not being a good person, think about how really bad people don’t even consider this in the first place.
When my health started to deteriorate due to stress, I had to take a major step back. I got into many self-help books, looking for ways to release the bad energy I had been accumulating over the years.
The first lesson I learned was the most important one: Let go.
I had to understand once and for all that, it truly did not matter, what others thought of me.
Karma, Divine Justice, whatever I called it, if I didn’t let go of these negative, hatred-driven concepts, I wouldn’t find peace.
Now, I wish I could’ve just flipped a switch and decided to not care, forgive and forget, and move on. But the truth is, it took me months and months of drilling positive thoughts into my mind, writing my emotions down, and distracting my brain with productive activities that helped me grow and level up as a person.
Looking back, I was always expecting some sort of justice and I could not heal until the mean people were wounded.
What I did to change
I mentioned before that I looked into self-help books, but something that I also found useful was setting my intentions out loud. I would either talk to my close friends or my mom (who to this day consider my therapist). I wrote down my feelings and didn’t hold anything in. Once I had talked about how I felt, I thought OK, now it’s time to move on and Not.Look.Back.
If someone was being difficult at work, I just reached a middle ground with them and moved past it. No passive-aggressive tones, just courteous honesty. Their actions do not affect my life, and what happens to them is not my business either.
Wishing for things you can’t control or take part in will put a heavy load on your heart, call it guilt or hatred. I know it was my case.
“What you focus on, you attract more of.” Jen Sincero.
Focusing my attention on negative feelings was just bringing more negative stuff into my life. But when I started to focus on good, productive, and healthier ways to cope with my emotions, things like Karma and a you’ll-get-what-you-deserve mindset were left behind.
Healing myself was the proof I needed to understand that, even when there can be evil in the human mind, discerning between the thoughts that come to you during difficult times from what you really stand for, is what will set you apart.
