2 Lessons I’ve Learned About Friendships
What is the most powerful lessons I’ve learned about relationships? And what I wish I learned earlier?
1. You Have To Be Vulnerable (To The Right Ones)
I have to be honest and say I’ve had a hard time trusting people and opening up to people in school. I love people to pieces, but being vulnerable is straight scary. Especially when you have people from your past that’s who you found out later that’s been toxic + having painful things happen in your life and you don’t want to be a source of negative energy.
It’s was hard for me to figure out for the longest time who to trust and who wasn’t toxic.
If you were to look at my Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, it would seem that I have lots of close friends - but the…www.cosmopolitan.com
Group chat that always has a minimum of 50 new messages. An assumed invite to every dinner date, movie, mall-trip, and…www.huffingtonpost.com
I love reading those articles. Because I saw myself in them.
For full disclaimer: Yes I do have friends. I had a childhood best friend and I have close friends.
However I DO consider myself an independent person. After walking on fire several times with toxic people, I’ve started relying on myself for happiness. This Transcend Your Limits article hits it perfectly. By letting people decide how happy you are, you give away the most basic control of yourself to people that may or may not turn out to be good for you, or even responsible enough to be trusted with your happiness.
However, I did have a few friends that reached out to me a lot when I needed it. They were in my service organization APO. I didn’t realize it at the time that I didn’t need to avoid these people.
I didn’t want to throw all that pain on them. I didn’t want to be a debbie downer in their life. I saw how happy they were and I didn’t want to ruin their moment.
In turn, I may have pushed them away because they probably thought I didn’t need them or trust them.
Here’s to second chances. I should have been more open them, because they cared. There’s a balance between being independent, letting people help you and trusting more people. I don’t think I’ve found the balance yet. Have you? Got insight?
2. Most People Don’t Care (But Find The Ones That Do)
Got mono? Broke a leg? Fell on your face? Bleeding everywhere?
Especially when it comes to work and business, nobody cares. Well, that’s not true — if you work with good people, they care. But they also don’t. They expect you will keep to your word and get done what needs to get done, or pass it off to someone else who can finish the job.-Nicolas Cole
My music clan in Indy doesn’t care about how many people have passed away in my life. Or how much time I have to take off for surgery. They want to make money from music.
A business partner for one of my startups reached out and said business is shaky and I’m a failed business partner. Whoops. (I’m grateful for the businesses doing well and working on the ones that need help). Like my music clan, they don’t care about personal issues or deaths in the family. They want money and damn it they want it now.
They don’t care. I’m aware. But find the ones that care. FIND the people that care and don’t run the first sign of blood. And won’t give up on you because you don’t open up. It’s rare. Check out this clip of Super Girl.
Supergirl Video: The exclusive home for Supergirl free full episodes, previews, clips, interviews and more video. Only…www.cwtv.com
Super girl rejected her sister’s help ( Alexandra “Alex” Danvers) for episodes.
Alex persisted (through bending another character's’ arm but it worked lol) and eventually Supergirl opened up. I kept watching the episode several times because I wonder how many people out here would just give up on someone instead of caring enough to be patient enough to let someone open up on their own terms.
Find some friends that will stick with you even if you put a wall up or don’t want to reveal any painful secrets. Find friends that are there even if you don’t have nothing to offer. Find friends that are still there when times get rough.
If you find these gold mines, hold tight and don’t let go.
95% of friends are only your friends in certain surroundings.
Your bar friends are your bar friends.
Your workout friends are your workout friends.
Your music friends are your music friends, etc.
If you find someone who you are friends with regardless of what you do together, that’s a real friend. Prioritize them.-Nicolas Cole
I will probably add so much more at a later date or make a part two. These are the first two that came to mind.