Rediscover Yourself During a Divorce in 3 Steps
When your marriage comes to an end so does a part of your identity.
The process of going through a divorce is a whirlwind. So many changes are occurring quickly. Going through such a huge transition may leaving you feeling as if you don’t know who you are anymore. You are probably realizing that you have lost a piece of you since creating life with this ex and having children.
Don’t be so hard on yourself! It is okay to feel exactly how you feel right now. Part of being resilient is allowing yourself to feel these feelings and not beat yourself up about them.
Below are 3 easy steps you can take in order to start rediscovering who you are today.
1. Pursue your passions and goals…especially those you have been putting off for years and years. Things that were once important to us often end up on the back burner and forgotten. This is the number one biggest thing you can do. Completing this one step will actually help you with accomplishing some of the other steps further below.
There was a time in my own life where when I was asked what I enjoyed to do and was passionate about….I actually couldn’t answer that question! I can still recall the first time someone asked me that (actually, I was on a date) and it hit me that everything in my life revolved around my son and work. For us single moms, it is SO easy to get sucked into taking care of our children, being a boss at work, and then totally putting our own needs on the back burner. Can you relate to this? The first step I took in rediscovering my passions and goals was reflecting on the things I used to love to do. One of those for me has always been dancing. Then it hit me that from the time I was 18, I wanted to audition to become a professional NFL cheerleader….but had NEVER done it….because LIFE. Sigh. That’s when I decided to dust off that dream and start pursuing it. I’m going to be honest. It felt overwhelming at first. I was extremely out of shape and hadn’t danced for over 12 years, but I started by taking baby steps and you can do the same!
The first thing you can do is determine what you feel most passionate about and what lights you up on the inside and then you can take the time to break it down from there.
2. Make time for your friends and while you are at decide if you need to love some of these friends from a distance. How often do you get together with your friends? It is easy to let those relationships go when we are so busy taking care of kids and working all the time, but as women we NEED the connection. Also, take a few minutes looking at the relationships you have. How are they working for you? Do your friends drain your energy or renew it? Some friends are just filled to the brim with drama. The people you choose to spend the most time with WILL influence your thinking. If you notice that most of your friends are drama filled and draining it is time to take a step back and love from a distance. Wondering how in the world to have time for friends if you have none? Lol. When you start pursuing your passions and hobbies you will meet new people and you can call in more positive and higher energetic friendships.
3. Spend time alone. How can you figure out who you are if you are never by alone? It is KEY to spend some time alone to think, to journal, to relax and to take care of YOU. As moms we are literally surrounded by people almost from the time we wake up until we fall asleep. You might be saying to yourself…ummm….yeah when in the world would I be able to make time to be alone. I have a kid around me 24/7! An easy way to get some alone time is to start a morning routine. This is the best way to get centered before the day begins. My morning is a nonnegotiable and it gets me focused/ready to take on the day ahead. It includes, drinking a glass of water while looking at my vision board, meditation, journaling, planning out my day, 15–30 minutes of exercise, watching/listening to inspirational videos, EFT tapping, and a cup of coffee. If you are more of a night person than instead set a strict bedtime for the kids and wind down for the day with a night routine that works for you. Another way to get some alone time is to make friends with other moms that live near you. My neighbor (also a single mother) and I exchange babysitting with each other ALL the time. I need to go to the gym…she watches my son. She has a doctor’s appointment…I watch her son. This also works great when feeling frazzled and just need a bit of time to yourself.