4 Essential Lessons for a Happy Life
What I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self
When I graduated from college in 1968, the world was a dramatically different place than it is today. Through the lens of fifty years’ experience, there are some very juicy nuggets of wisdom that can be helpful for any graduate at any age.
Lesson Number One: Seek out the both/and, few choices are all or never, either/or.
When I graduated from Vanderbilt University, the pill was just becoming available. Abortion was still illegal and the consequences of an unintended pregnancy were huge. We were supposed to walk down the aisle, shortly after graduation, as virgins. But many of us wanted to explore what it means to be a woman and have a career before getting married. We needed to find a way to express our sexual and personal freedom without having to get married or risk our lives to do it. What I learned was that we need to be intentional about how far we want to go in order to challenge the status quo AND pause to consider the consequences.
Lesson Number Two: Seek out win/wins in relationships and business.
Our generation is the baby boomers, our fathers were shipped home after WWII, and every year my school had to add another classroom for my grade. We felt like we had to compete for places in college and then in the workplace. In the end, I came to understand that the spirit of competition could be helpful. But you really only need to compete with yourself. Your gain doesn’t have to be someone else’s loss or vice versa.
Lesson Number Three: Identify your own limiting beliefs.
My father was a well-known physician. Although he wrote and spoke to global audiences, he never saw himself as a bigwig. His modesty and humility were admirable, but the lesson I took with me was that I would never be a bigwig. My mother underscored this by frequently telling me not to, “Toot your own horn.”
Whenever I did, she’d raise an eyebrow with caution: Don’t come on too strong. In spite of being told I could do anything I put my mind to, the message was mixed (especially for women): be ladylike (not aggressive) and for goodness sake don’t outshine the men in your life.
We have all integrated limiting beliefs from the people in our lives, especially our mentors and parents. The sooner you can identify yours, the freer you’ll be to pursue all the many careers you may have. Personal development and therapy are the best investments you can make.
Lesson Number Four: Find happiness in the daily, contentment in the mundane and gratitude for small things.
At every stage in my education and career, there was the sense that I had yet to arrive: Just wait until you get to college, just wait until you get married, just wait until you have that first big job… just wait!
It seemed like I always lacked some essential piece of learning, experience, or money that would make my life more complete. This left me with a permanent sense of not being enough.
Accept your own enoughness, even as you continue to learn, strive and grow. The real lesson is there is no “arriving.”
We are in motion as long as we live, so enjoy the journey!
Looking for more resources to support your personal growth? Download a free chapter from Live Large: The Achiever’s Guide to What’s Next HERE.
