A Story About Checking The Ego: A Recent Dating Experience
This morning I was given the opportunity to put my ego aside, and show some grace to another person.
Last night I was stood up. I had been messaging with this woman I connected with on a dating app last week. After a few days of texting back and forth, we made plans to meet for drinks.
Once I arrived at the restaurant, I texted her that I was sitting at the bar. I ordered myself a beverage and waited on her to arrive. After about 20 minutes of waiting, I received a message from her stating that she was running very, very late. She had worked all night the previous day and had just awakened. I am assuming she slept through her alarm. I replied, no worries.
In truth, I was pretty annoyed by the situation. I wasn’t sure if her story was legit or if she was just blowing me off. To be honest, it didn’t matter. I had gone out of my way to fit this date in what was already a full evening for me, and she was a no show.
I hung around the bar long enough to finish my drink, about 40 minutes after our planned meeting time (I’m a slow drinker). I wasn’t sure if she was still coming, and I had other plans later that evening, so after my drink, I simply texted her “perhaps some other time” and left.
Not long after I texted her, she replied “oh no…I’m really sorry”. I guess this meant that she intended to be there. She then proposed that we reschedule for the following day.
After the evenings events took place, everything in me wanted to cut off communication and unmatch her. But before going down that route, I had to ask myself how much of this was about my ego and how much of this was about being true to my values and myself.
After discussing the situation over dinner with friends and having a good nights sleep, I decided to truly accept her apology and set my pride aside.
As I reflect on the incident, all I can say is that sometimes shit happens. I remember from experience how difficult it can be to work all night and try to function during the day with people who work normal daytime hours. She didn’t have to apologize, and she didn’t have to propose rescheduling for the following day. And I don’t have to take the incident as a personal spite against me.
I chose to let go of my ego, put myself in her shoes and show some grace. I also completely released the resentment I was harboring from my being. It wasn’t healthy, and it wasn’t necessary.
We ended up meeting the following day and had a fantastic time. I almost missed out on one of the best first date experiences I’ve had in a while.
It’s important for us to have our standards and boundaries. Identifying the non-negotiables is important. All of this helps us to avoid entering relationships that are not good for us. But as with many things in life, sometimes we have to question the values we’ve set. It helps to test the assumptions made about what we identify as non-negotiable. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves if what we believe to be true is about our well being, or simply our ego.