And they lived obligatorily ever after..
We don’t hesitate to talk about our exercise, diet and vacation schedules. We beam how often we have dinner with our families and our outdoor activity plans.
Discussing sex is still a taboo in social circles.
Alicia is a young working woman who’s just got home after a long day’s work. She’s been working on a deadline at work and needs to be up early.
She’s finally done with the dishes and jumps into bed.
Tom: Hi Honey, How about cuddling tonight? (starry eyed)
Alicia: No Tommy, I’m tired.(Yawn)
Alicia: Tomorrow’s a long day for me. By the way, can you please pick up the dry cleaned clothes when you’re back from work?
Tom: (Grunt)..Followed by silence and pouting…
Alicia: Hey, can you pick up the stuff tomorrow? Are you asleep already?
Tom: uhhhh….OK.. (pouting)..
Setting the right expectations goes without saying in important engagements such as at work and at school. However, very few people discuss sex and set expectations before tying the knot.
Women who don’t set expectations right in this area, feel obligated to say “Yes” when they mean “No”. Men who feel deprived are more likely to fall for a peahen. If you don’t get this right, “happily married” will mean nothing more to you than the placard stuck on the car at your wedding!
It is common for partners to have different levels of interest in sex. Most women typically prefer quality time and deep conversations to sex. Men, typically don’t mind having sex, anytime.That’s just the stereotype and it’s very likely that you’re different. You’re not an abnormal guy if your wife initiates it every other day.
While there’s no general rule on recommended sex frequency per week, most happy couples are said to have sex once or twice a week.
The silver bullet is not about finding the universal sex frequency but a simple test to do with interest.
Does your spouse agree to having sex because they want to or because they have to?
You can ask your spouse about it or just look for cues. If your partner doesn’t look interested, chances are they’re resenting it. And when that happens repeatedly, the spouse feels used instead of cherished. And that’s one of the ways the marital relationship begins to go downhill.
Sex is the most under emphasized reality in marriage and it’s high time, we start talking about it and hopefully strike the right balance to build happy marriages. Working out what works for both of you and making it an important part of your schedule will help you stay happily married ever after.
As long as sex in your marriage stays as an obligation to you or your spouse, the best you can do is to be “obligatorily married”.