Be Nice To Yourself

It’s Hard to Be Happy When Someone’s Mean To You All the Time

Every day you have tens of thousands of thoughts run through your mind. The vast majority of them are negative. And too often, that negativity is directed at the one person who deserves it least — you.

It’s okay to admit, you are harder on yourself than anyone else could be, most of us are.

We beat ourselves up for all the things we think we should do better, should be able to get done in a day, should be able to figure out.

We blame yourself and judge ourselves way more than you acknowledge and appreciate ourselves.

Honestly, if this was our romantic relationship vs the relationship with ourselves, we’d have moved out a long time ago! The challenge is we can’tm move out of our own minds.

In my feminine leadership and women’s empowerment work and through the Path of Self Love School I founded, I’ve worked with over 20,000 women around the world regarding what some call the inner critic or saboteur, but we call “the inner mean girl” — because she’s personal, she lives within in us, and we need to learn to work with her and love her (this force never goes away, but we can give it new job, refocus the energy and become more self aware.)

Girls and women from six to eighty six, from all backgrounds, races, and social statuses when asked and when honest admit how incredibility critical they were of themselves, how much pressure they put on themselves, and how little compassion and forgiveness they were able to give to themselves.

And honestly because I, a woman bred to have a high self-esteem, be a great achiever and climb career ladders in a single bound, never even considered self-compassion as valuable as self-esteem, until I realized what not having it was costing me — my happiness.

We are in the midst of a self-criticism epidemic and a self-compassion drought. #bekindtoyourself

Be nice to others. We’ve been taught that since the first grade.

Be compassionate to people who are sick, less fortunate, or going through difficult life problems? Of course.

But direct the loving energy of compassion and forgiveness towards yourself, everyday — forget about it!

But here’s the truth we didn’t get taught in grade school or graduate school:

Your personal wellness is directly correlated to your levels of self-compassion: high self-compassion equals more happiness, lack self-compassion and watch your happiness drop.

You more than anyone are counting on you to be there with open arms, offering compassion and forgiveness without condition. #selfcompassion

You are counting on yourself to love yourself. And loving yourself doesn’t just mean believing you can do and be anything, it requires you to be kind, gentle and compassionate with yourself always, even when you fail, fall behind or don’t measure up to the unrealistic standards you and society has set for yourself.

How do you do that? That’s the question I asked myself too, as I seemed to have missed the class on self-compassion in all my years of academic study. It wasn’t until I began my spiritual study that the answers came.

I’ve learned a lot about self-compassion in the last decade, including that compassion is something you have to CHOOSE. Self compassion is a choice and a practice, and the more you practice, the stronger those self love muscles become, and when times get tough you will be able to choose kindness instead of criticism and patience instead of pressure.

In my feminine wisdom teachings, I call this activating your Feminine Super Power of Compassion. Just like Wonder Woman has her super powers and trains for the big days, here are three practices you can put into play in your daily life:

1. Transform Comparison into Inspiration — Comparison is the #1 toxic habit of your Inner Mean Girl (or Inner Mean Guy for men). When that voice starts comparing you to another person, to who you used to be, or to who it thinks you should be, stop and ask yourself, “What is inspiring to me about this person? What are the doing/being/having that I’d like to have in my life too?” Then, and here’s the daring part, you have to reach out to that person — either right there on the spot live or via email, phone or even Facebook or Twitter — and tell them what you appreciate about them! Then, and here’s the self-compassionate part, instead of copying them exactly, take the thing you admired and add your own essence to it. There is only one you, and the world is counting on your unique expression.
2. Do the Compassion Stream — You have to interrupt the mean with the feeling of love at a HEART level before you mind will relent and release. So stop, drop, put your hand on your heart, close your eyes and take a deep breath (this activates your parasympathetic nervous system and your neutral mind, the realm of your Inner Wisdom.) As if you were talking to a best friend who was being hard on themselves, as yourself “What do I need to hear right now?” And with your hand on your heart, say those words to yourself, until you feel a “compassion click” — the energy of compassion getting into your heart so you can take the pressure off. If you are a loss for words you can try this self compassion mantra “I’m doing the best I can, and it’s enough.” or “If I knew better I would have done better.”
3. Dial a Love Life Line — Sometimes when you’re really feeling like crap about yourself, and you just can’t find the compassion no matter how hard you try, you have to call in special outside forces. This is the time for “dialing into love” and getting some large quantities of it flowing to you pronto. Call up a person who you trust and who is good at giving love and follow these three steps: 1. Out yourself and your inner critic. Say “My Inner Mean Girl/Guy is going crazy and telling me XXX.” Just let it rant. 2. Ask them to tell you three kind, compassionate and heartfelt things about you. 3. Listen and receive those great things from them, say thank you, write these love lines down on a piece of paper and carry the compassion medicine around with you for the rest of the day.

Remember, when you fail, falter, or feel less than perfect, turn your attention to unconditional love to lift yourself up. It’s time to give yourself one of the most essential kinds of love you can give yourself — self-compassion. #loveyourself

To learn more about what kind of Inner Mean Girl you have, take the free Inner Critic Quiz at www.InnerCriticQuiz.com

Christine Arylo, MBA, is a women’s leadership advisor, three-time best selling author and transformational teacher who guides women to embody their fierce grace, feminine wisdom and authentic presence to live, lead and succeed the feminine way — successful and sustainable. Check out her world recognized podcast series, Feminine Power Time, at www.FemininePowerPodcast.com or at www.ChristineArylo.com