Bewilderment, Confusion, and Being The One Who Knows

We are solid in our opinions, you and I, feeling so strongly self-righteous and angry at those who don’t feel as we do. I even stand up straighter, with squared shoulders, knowing that I have integrity, matching my behaviors with what I believe, feeling relief when I discover more and more of who I am, standing more strongly, planted in my belief that I am part of the solution. My life has meaning when I follow my dreams, better understanding my purpose and taking steps to fulfill it, helping the world, spreading love and compassion. Yes, this all has meaning. And life is great when we can enjoy the ride. “It’s not your body, but eternity’s body, known by eternity’s awareness,” Jack Kornfield writes. And now I’m confused. Wait, I just took stronger control of the reins in living this life in this body! Isn’t it mine? I sit in meditation, trying to ease the confusion, connecting to my breath, the source of life, and then connecting to the Source of Life. Ajahn Chah says we have a witness inside of us, a dispassionate observer of all things, “the One Who Knows.” I sit quietly, waiting to connect with this observing Buddha inside, waiting to become this impassive Buddha that Chah says is the eternal me. I’m waiting to be wise. I sit quietly, feeling my connection to the earth and the sky, my heart opening, the flame within me growing. And then I feel it, this One Who Knows in this body really knows. The power and strength that has come from more powerfully standing in my “truth,” the anger and support of others when I speak this truth, all of it, no matter how powerful and realistic and awesome, are only story lines in this game called Life. I am the heroine of my own story, with all of you my supporting characters, while I play a supporting role in your story. And, if we’re really lucky, our souls connect deeply beneath the story lines. In the end, our soul connections are real, while the plots are not. Knowing this while allowing ourselves to truly experience, taste, feel this game of life makes it so much more fun. We get to choose our paths, enhance the stories of those whom our souls have connected with, and to make choices not to suffer through the painful twists along the way. “It is always now…rest in spacious silence,” writes Kornfield. “Resting in eternity, you will naturally know how to respond, create, embody…the actions will arise from the One Who Knows.” Holding onto this witness for an eternal moment, I choose the path of Love.

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