Can positive thinking cure our negative thoughts?
No, but here’s what can
A co-worker walks by you in the hallway. You say “Hello!” but she keeps on walking. Instantly, your thoughts engross your mind and your mood shifts from fabulous to furious. She doesn’t even acknowledge you! You can’t help but think she snubbed you on purpose since she got that promotion. As you spend the rest of the day fuming, you think up the rationalization that she believes that she’s too good for you now, but you are not going to let her, and that rude attitude of hers, wreck your career. You think to yourself that you can keep yourself and career safe from a trainwreck by simply avoiding her.
If you think Karen is wrecking your day, Karen IS wrecking your day, and likely several days to come. With your permission.
You are the source of your suffering. Yes, that’s the good news because it means you can change it in an instant when you stop believing everything you think.
I’ve got good news and an escape from this negative chatter that consumes your brain waves. You are the source of your suffering. Yes, that’s the good news because it means you can change it in an instant when you stop believing everything you think. The antidote to stressful, negative thinking isn’t positive thinking, as some may believe. The counterintuitive way to separate your suffering from your reality is to question everything by checking your thoughts for accuracy.
While giving benefit of the doubt and assuming noble intent is helpful, where we really want to be is neutral — neither positive or negative. I can make up a story that my co-worker is rude since she got that promotion, or I can question the story I think, focus on the facts I know. What are the facts? She walked by and didn’t say hello. Separating my stressful story from reality, I can now conserve energy and go on to enjoy more peace in my day.
The key to being happier is understanding that our stress comes not from the events in our lives, but the story we make up about these events.
You might be thinking — but she really did walk by and give me “the look” and not say hello! The key to being happier is understanding that our stress comes not from the events in our lives, but the story we make up about these events. We all face the occasional setback or frustration, but suffering is truly optional. Embrace this counterintuitive idea: Mindsets — not circumstances — are the source of the pain.
When you are judging, you are not leading, not serving, and not adding value.
When we believe the stories we tell ourselves, we live with the resulting drama, whether we are conscious of it or not. This is called “arguing with reality,” and it’s the single largest barrier to peace and success for most people. You are arguing with reality whenever you judge your situation in terms of “right” or “wrong” and wish the situation were different, instead of simply accepting only the facts of the situation. When you are judging, you are not leading, not serving, and not adding value.
Wishing reality were different and assigning motives and stories, you overwrite reality with a mental story in which you are cast as the victim and someone else has all the power. On an average day, you and every other person in your organization wastes two and a half hours on unproductive thoughts like these: judging, blaming, gossiping, resisting change and whining. Over time, this habit of thought holds us back more effectively than any external circumstance or person ever could.
How do you eliminate stressful and draining thinking from your mind? Think like a project engineer — they deliver great results and improved productivity by removing wasteful actions from an end-to-end process. You can learn to eliminate your emotional waste — negative thinking — through a good mental process. It’s simple.
· First, simply write out your story. What’s happening and how are you feeling? Don’t attempt to edit — just get all of those thoughts and feelings on paper.
· Next, go back through your story and underline only the facts — things you can prove to be absolutely true.
· Finally, ask two helpful questions for self-reflection: 1) What’s the next thing I can do to add value? And 2) How can I be helpful in this situation?
If you’re feeling stress, tune into all the judging going on in your mind. Stop believing all your thinking. Stop judging, start helping.
