Detaching From The Outcome
How to Release The Need to Know How and Receive Faster
Do you remember the first time someone told you to “detach from the outcome?”
After all the work you’ve done, the roller coaster of feelings and everything in between? You are supposed to detach from the outcome? YOU have to surrender? You must act as if what you want IS yours when it really isn’t [yet]?
I don’t care how mentally strong you are or how much mindset you do and preach. Detaching from the outcome, in all the million ways described by all the experts and their brilliant examples given — is HARD. It is like a weak muscle that you don’t want to use. And it does get easier. But it feels like it goes against our human nature because it sometimes represents the total opposite of what we’ve been working towards.
Let’s face it, you felt lost at some point in your life. Who hasn’t? You had to find a way up and out of a hard situation to somewhere bigger and better. You spent time, money, energy, tears and so much more of you trying to gain control of your life again. Searching for ways to be the creator of your future and reality and not some victim of everything and everyone. It feels almost counter-productive to think you have to give up control. But that is what must be done, believe it or not.
There is a good reason for the buzz words “detach from the outcome” after all: it is necessary. Detaching from the how is a crucial step to getting what you want. Because you can’t receive if you haven’t released everything that’s been keeping you from getting whatever it is you want.
“YOU have to detach from what you want when the next move isn’t yours.”
So how do you truly do that? Detach from the outcome. Surrender. How on earth do you do that when you’re programmed to do the opposite? How do you stop worrying and stressing about it and just let it come to you like the experts say?
1) Get clear about what you want and why you want it.
After working with hundreds of businesses and entrepreneurs across the globe I can tell you that most of what holds us back in life, business, passion is not being 100% clear about what we want and why we want it.
Sometimes we want things, and we don’t know why. Or we are not clear on our emotions when it comes to getting it and having it. So we self-sabotage. We hold back due to limiting beliefs about having it, etc. The point is that not having clarity is a gateway to more mindset blocks, more resistance and more giving into paradigms that have held you back for too long.
Be real with yourself. What do you want? Why do you want it?
No one can or should judge you on your what or why, but it’s your responsibility to be honest with yourself and stop doing things you don’t want to do and/or hate.
2) Decide that it’s going to be yours.
How do you know if what you think you want is what you actually want? You tune in. Deeply. You are the only one that really knows if what you say you want has a Plan B. Because if it does? Then that’s not what you truly want.
It’s what you really want and you can and should decide that it’s yours when you have to have it not just when you want to have it. So ask yourself: how bad do I want this? If the answer is non-negotiable, the only thing holding you back from having it is deciding that its yours. Once you do this, you accept that no matter what happens, you won’t stop until it is yours. It is non-negotiable. It is DONE.
3) Do the work to get it.
This is the trickiest step because this is where people fail to do ALL of the work required to get, do, and be what they want.
We can’t make the leap if there are ropes holding us down. And in one form or another, we all have invisible ropes holding us down. They can’t be seen by the world around us, but we know they are there. And most of the time, we know why they are there and how they got there. But we can’t seem to figure out how to stop them from continuing. The secret is in the inner work.
You can have the expensive therapist for decades or let yourself think that stuffing down everything you think, and feel is the way to do business because you have iron-proof strategies –
“But remember this: everything in life, business, and relationships is 80% mindset 20% strategy.”
You have to do ALL of the work, not just hire the best team and become the best delegator. Why do you think most lottery winners end up broke? They weren’t ready for the leap. The money programming in their mind, probably from childhood that caused them to think, believe, and act in a self-sabotaging manner.
Whether you’re an entrepreneur, life coach, happy 9–5 employee, you can’t be full happy unless you work through your crap. You know what I am talking about. The emotional baggage. The mental chains. The stuff you’ve been dragging for too long. It’s time to let go of it.
TIP: Set up a mindset routine that works best for you. It only takes 10 minutes to change your state and kick your mind into gear so it can push out the negative and focus on the positive. Don’t skip the mindset love.
4) Trust that it’s on the way by detaching from the outcome.
This last step is the most difficult for most people. Because this is what it all comes down to. And without doing the prior steps, this one is out of reach.
Because after you’ve gained clarity on your goals, decided that you weren’t going to stop until you reached them, and did all of the work, what else is left?
Remembering that you did the work.
Working through old stuff that comes up.
Choosing what thoughts and behaviors.
Being ever-cognizant of the pictures and movies you play in your head.
DAILY. On REPEAT.
Because it doesn’t work unless you commit to it so much, that you don’t need to know how it will be yours, you just KNOW it will be because there is no other option.
When you KNOW it in your bones, you’ll see it with your eyes. Until then, keep going, keep doing what counts, and you’ll always be closer than you were yesterday.
Vanessa is a former management and risk consultant to hundreds of businesses and entrepreneurs across the globe, including government agencies such as the FDIC and Federal Reserve. She now uses her years of business and leadership psychology training to help people achieve personal excellence, mindset mastery and purpose-driven successful businesses. Vanessa is “the leading life and business advisor and coach of our time.” She is also a speaker, writer and entrepreneur. Find out more at www.vanessarende.com