Do we ever really see ourselves?

Do we ever really see our selves? Can we look at ourselves in the mirror, listen to ourselves speak or make choices and decisions without criticising, looking for the negative and constantly highlighting the things about ourselves that we don’t like?

If you hate seeing yourself or hearing yourself, imagine the pressure and stress that this is creating in your body and your environment every single day. You will be constantly worrying about how you’re coming across, how people are perceiving you and whether you are good enough.

I believe that the human being is predisposed to love and kindness but that we have created a culture and society that is very masculine and encourages unhealthy competition. This means that we are constantly comparing ourselves to everyone else rather than enjoying our unique individuality.

Showing vulnerability is a feminine strength and we long for it in our very masculine lives. We long to connect and share and stop striving towards perfection. What does being perfect mean anyway? Who has defined it? We are constantly bombarded with messages from the media about how we should be. The concept of being perfect is a tool of propaganda used as a way to keep us striving towards that ever elusive perfection. Aesthetically and culturally speaking.

We see a perception of self based on our patterns and beliefs, on what we have already experienced that day, week, month, year and also based on the projection of how we think other people see us. It is a complicated lens to look through and one which does not reflect how other people see us.

This does mean however that we can change our perception of self both now and what we have perceived in the past. To do this we need to first become aware of the patterns and beliefs we are running that are affecting how we feel about ourselves.

For example, for the majority of my adult life I had a debilitating fear of public speaking. I would almost say that it had become a phobia. I loved to facilitate groups and thrived in that environment but give me an opportunity to stand up on a stage in front of a large group of people with a microphone and all of my knowledge disappeared. My knees would literally start knocking together, my mouth would go dry and I would freeze. Time and time again I tried to ‘face my fear’ and ‘get over’ how I felt but nothing changed. I know now that this is because I was using short term coping mechanisms.

Three years ago I started a process of releasing from my fear by understanding that it was created from a self limiting belief that I didn’t have anything interesting to say. With hindsight I know now that this fear served me as I wasn’t ready to get up and speak and that I could more easily clear from it when I felt strongly that I had a message to share and that I really wanted to share it.

From the moment that I started to clear I energetically broadcast out to the world that I was ready to speak and opportunities started to effortlessly flood in. What I mean by energetically broadcast is that I believe we are all made up of energy and our thoughts and beliefs are a frequency of that energy that are broadcast out from us like radio signals that other people can tune into. Meaning that no matter what persona you are using or how ‘brave’ you are being, people can feel your frequency and without understanding how or why, have a subconscious knowing of how you are feeling.

So I start the process of clearing from my fear of public speaking, I feel curious about the fact that I feel more neutral about being given an opportunity to speak, in fact I feel like I might want to try it. This gets broadcast out and before I know it I get a call from TedX in Delhi asking me if I will go and do a talk, which I do. I almost don’t as when I am standing waiting to go on stage some of my old fears surface and I know I still have work to do but despite the enormous urge to flee, I walk onto stage and deliver my first professional talk.

4-years on I have now found my natural flow with speaking. I know that I have something interesting to say and I deliver it in a way that is authentically me. I can also watch my talks and immediately see what I like in them and what I would like to do differently next time but this is a gentle developmental process, not a destructive criticism that what I have done is ‘bad’. I am firmly in the learning mindset and I understand that if I say or don’t say something, or I say it in a specific way, then that is what was meant to happen for me and for the audience.

My awareness of self is growing everyday and therefore my perception is constantly changing and I am realising just how beautifully unique we are and that this is much more interesting than trying to all be the same.

Excerpt from my new book Shine — Effortless Abundance and Unconditional Love available in hard copy and for kindle on Amazon — enjoy!

#empowerment #empower #leadership #change #shine #tiffanykelly #effortlessabundanceunconditionallove @weareroundtableglobal