Forget participation awards, we all need failure conditioning
In martial arts, they do body conditioning to get your body to stop freaking out at being hit — toughening up your veins to not burst on impact.
Whatever your next adventure (job, relationship, trip abroad, visit to your parents), there are skills and experience from previous situations that allow you to navigate the terrain. These transferables give you the confidence to go for it. “Of course you should apply for that job, you’ve got A, B and C, and even if you don’t get it, it’s all good experience right?”. It’s an annoying but true remark. Yes, it is good experience. It is good experience to deal with setbacks. Because if there’s any guarantee in life, it is setbacks.
So how do you condition yourself to deal with failure, to build resilience?
You’ve had your setbacks. You’ve been through the worst experience of your life and gotten through it. You might be suffering right now, but at the same time, you know that you’ll get through it, you have to, there is no other option. You have it in you to get past this.
The dodged-a-bullet list
This is the list of things that when you first had the setback it was awful, it floored you, but in the grand scheme of things, it worked out much better for you. Rather than a missed opportunity, it was a freedom from a toxic relationship, an insufferable job.
What awesome things have you been able to experience because of the setbacks?
What strengths have you discovered in yourself from discovering your own self-worth shouting ‘No, I’m not putting up with it anymore’?
There was a time when I was floored after a relationship breakup, but I realised that my life was a shade of what it could be. Without it, I had so much space to fill up with my own pursuits and meaningful experiences. Knowing how much better I became after that relationship gives me the confidence to know that I can manage and thrive out of other setbacks.
You never know how right now fits into your future.