How did I manage to move past my fears and you can do the same?

5 Things that I’ve learned about fear based mind.

Photo of Sylvia Salow, Maldives

Seven years ago, I was living a completely different reality. I was stuck in an unfulfilling relationship, studying Economics which was supposed to bring financial stability but definitely was not my life calling, and generally, I felt empty inside because I knew that I was living a life that others expected me to live. I don’t know if you know this feeling when you’re functioning, on the outside, you look fine but, on the inside, you’re dying.

Back then I knew that I was heading a brick wall. Everything around me felt so heavy and real. I felt that there was no way how to change the course of my life because I thought that it was too late to change my long-term relationship and what I was studying. Little did I know about the life. Although everything seemed so solid and unchangeable, it was just a very beginning of an exciting new journey.

I was taken from this limbo state by a huge crisis. The kind of crisis that you touch the bottom and you stay there for some time which feels like forever. My mind was wandering into a fear town every day.

Yet in the midst of despair, I began to experience something so familiar yet lost for a long time. I began to feel my connection to the higher power. As if everything needed to go out of my life to clear a space for the Universe to come in. Slowly, I started healing and understanding myself and my feelings and thoughts better.

I had an opportunity to go to China for 2 years and this was a purgatory for me. One fear after another was coming to surface to allow me to feel it fully and see whether it was right. I choose to trust and let them go but it wasn’t an easy process.

Here is what I’ve learned about fears:

1. We’re not our fears. Fears and worries seem very real. In fact, they can completely take over us and run the show. Even for years or decades. Everyone agrees that they don’t like to be in a fearful state yet the truth is that we all are in one way or another. One big lesson that I’ve learned is that we’re not fears. We’re much more and we’ll always survive if there is at least a little willingness. When we choose to see the fear and problem a broader perspective, we understand that there are always more ways and opportunities to let the fear go. Instead of being swallowed by the fear, we raise our consciousness above it. This is the first step of internal healing — seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Notice that I’ve said if we ‘’choose to’’ because everything starts with a choice and willingness. Remember that you aren’t your fear. You might be worried that you don’t meet the love of your life but you aren’t unlovable loser. You can be afraid of making mistake but know that your life is not defined by this mistake.

2. Fears become stronger if we fight them. The funny part about fears is that they’re fed by our own energy. Their purpose is to look scary so we let them control our lives. Thus they’re taking our attention and energy each time we think about them. We give them our attention also by fighting them, denying them, and resisting them. This all requires our energy. And that’s all they want from us. Fears don’t care about which way they get our attention. The result is the same. When we raise above them and we heal our patterns and fears, we become neutral to them. They’re not in the center of our attention anymore. Therefore, there is no energy spent on them.

3. Fears can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves. Each fear carries some lesson for you. Surprisingly, those lessons bring us closer to our inner power and guide us on the way to find ourselves. Our tendency is to run away from our fears but it makes them stronger. Conversely, we should learn to listen to their messages for us. Embracing our own fears make us stronger and feeling more complete.

4. We repeat the same fears as patterns. Fear creates its own stories and looks for an evidence to support this false stories. From one seemingly small fear can become a complex set of patterns that we repeat on autopilot. The more we let the fear act through us and alter our behavior, the more evidence it finds for itself to believe that it’s correct. Soon, it becomes a vicious circle through which it’s difficult to get back to the truth.

5. Fears come from a wounded part of ourselves. Realizing how fears work creates a space for an inner healing because we get so lost with fears and patterns that we think that we’re our patterns and we continue acting in the same way as if we’d be powerless. I deeply believe that everyone needs to go sooner or later through inner healing to find true freedom in life. Until that point, we’re influenced by our fears and patterns. We play smaller than we have to and than we should. Inner healing is a long process. It requires a commitment and work but every step of it feels so liberating and joyful. The moment when you recognize and heal one of your patterns brings lightness and awareness to your heart and mind. You can see clearly how you’ve been limiting and restricting yourself. This is a point when you start coming back to your true self.


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If you’d like to read more about my own inner healing story and get inspired by what has worked for me, you can get my autobiography “Find Yourself — Go Distance to Discover Your Meaning‘‘ on Amazon. Make it your own healing story too!

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