The Difference Between Authenticity and Impulsiveness
And why you need to be a proliferator of authenticity.
“Being yourself,” sounds like an easy task, doesn’t it? Yet, being your authentic self requires a superior piloting of self-knowledge and self-expression.
“Being yourself,” is the most important condition for creating a true relationship within your own self and others.
“Being yourself,” is an art that needs to be mastered and developed by many. An art, in which an individual must invest much love and patience.
You will most likely need a lot of work before you find and understand your authentic self.
First you have to find the path to self-knowledge and self-acceptance, to be able to see your dark places, your limitations, to learn to love deeply, unreservedly, devotedly, with respect and honor for yourself and for others. To learn to hear your own self by forgetting the pursuit of perfection. To give your authentic self-permission to be the self.
People often confuse impulses with being their authentic selves. Your impulses are not you. They are automatic responses to an irritant that triggers certain behaviors with your own self.
These responses are frequently acquired and learned as they become ineffective “answers” to what happens in your life. And not always acting in favor of one’s own self.
Impulses that do not always satisfy your needs. Impulsiveness means to give your emotions to instant moments of when you’re truly supposed to be authentic, yet you react without thinking. Without realization of what your feelings are telling you, while you continue to impair your authentic self.
Even if you go beyond psychology and pay attention to the meaning of the world “authentic,” you will see that authenticity is originally based in something genuine and trustworthy.
And these are the needs that drive people in life, genuineness and trustworthiness. They drive people’s behaviors.
In order to be authentic, you need to realize a few fundamentals:
- To know yourself.
- To recognize your needs.
- To be able to satisfy them and to express them when they concern others.
Being sincere and straightforward in front of your own self and others is the foundation of being authentic. When you don’t communicate your true intentions and desires, consciously or unconsciously, you lead people into error.
You are not in an authentic relationship with others, but you end up dragging yourself into a “game.”
The game is a series of complementary, hidden transactions (replicas) that evolve to a certain, predictable outcome (similar to film scenarios).
These scenarios can be described as a recurring set of transactions, often standard, superficially plausible, with hidden motivation, or, in spoken language, the game is a series of moves with tricks.
Games are usually unproductive. Think about situations or relationships that always evolve in the same way. It is very likely that these are games that you are playing. When there’s a game, there is no authenticity.
The other concept, especially in relation to authenticity and relationship with others, is the concept of intimacy.
In “The Games People Play,” Eric Berne offers a humanistic definition of intimacy, describing it as a “spontaneous honesty of a conscious man devoid of games.” Intimacy means openness and respect, both to your own self and to the other.
Intimacy in purely psychological terms means to uncover your soul and thoughts.
When you are in an intimate relationship with another, you are authentic. You are as you are. You are sincere and open. You express your needs and share your feelings.
When you are authentic, you allow the other to manifest their essence and not to bring it into games and delusions.
Any type of a relationship in life cannot happen if you do not enter into the relationship in an authentic way.
If you do not allow yourself to laugh when you are cheerful, to look dejected when you are sad, to raise your tone when you are angry, to stand up for your position, to show your love, you end being unauthentic in front of others, living a “fake” life.
Recognize that you are a strong woman, a strong man, a strong human being. Invite yourself unequivocally to participate in life with all that you are, with clear consciousness, experiencing feeling of joy, sadness, shame, and anger.
Your emotions are here and now. Have the courage to recognize them as they provide you with the chance of being your authentic self.
Be a proliferator of authenticity for your own self and for others.
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About The Author
Dr. Kachovska is an internationally known Change Catalyst. She teaches individuals and organizations about awareness, connection and the need for change — personally, socially, and professionally.