How to deal with having your heart broken
Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel, let’s make the most of your stay.
Having your heart broken might just be the worst feeling in the world. Apart from dropping the sausage out of your hotdog. That’s probably worse.
To continue with the hotdog analogy — because hotdogs are better than feelings and stuff — when you have your heart broken, you are the sausage. You’re the one slipping out of your safe, cosy hotdog bun, trying with your little sausage hands to cling on to the part that holds it all together. You ask your bun why…why can’t you just hold on too? But it tells you it can’t. And you know it’s true — you’ve known it for a while. So you just slide out into a sad pile of meat on the floor, waiting for it to scoop you up and put you back together, and maybe even add some ketchup and a little mustard. But it doesn’t. It just leaves. And it’s devastating. And you feel like you failed.
But guess what? You didn’t.
Sometimes these things happen — and that’s okay. And you’ll be okay. You will, YOU WILL! And until then, well…
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
Most people will tell you not to look at your ex’s social media. Not to call them and hang up as soon as you hear their voice. Not to keep your old photographs so you can’t stumble across one and remember being so happy that you thought nothing would ever be bad again.
I’m not going to say that, because you will. And it will hurt. It will hurt more than that time you stubbed your toe and your toenail went all purple and black and then fell off. So when you find yourself doing all of that stuff, please remember:
Even though something bad happened, it doesn’t mean you did anything bad.
None of this is your fault. Or their fault. It’s not even my fault. So just remind yourself that you’re an angel, then have a glass of milk and go to sleep for a bit. It will feel better when you wake up. Promise.
It’s good to talk. We know that because Danny DeVito once said it in an iPhone advert in the 90’s and everything he says is true. Except for that time he said he was big and I was small. I’m much taller than him.
Talk to your mum, your dog, your greengrocer if you’re lucky enough to have one. Tell them about your favourite sandwich filling. Tell them about the time you saw Alan Carr in Asda car park. Talking — about anything, not just your poorly heart is the first step to feeling like a normal human again. It’s chicken soup for the soul. Mmm, delicious chicken soup.
DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT
Having your heart broken really sucks ass. I know it and you know it and everyone else with a human heart knows it too. But human hearts are silly and sometimes they forget. They forget that it takes all of your energy just to get out of bed and be a person with teeth and hair that needs to be brushed. They forget that staring at the wall for 4 hours, thinking about that time you and your ex went to IKEA is just what you have to do.
So when you feel like crying or laughing or watching that episode of The OC where Marissa dies for the sixth time, do it and don’t feel ashamed. Don’t let people make you feel broken inside. You’re not broken, you’re just upside down and back to front and you might be for a little bit longer so give yourself a break and feel those feels until they’re all gone.
I’m not talking about quitting your job and buying a solo ticket to the Arctic to save starving camels, I meant what I said about taking it one step at a time. But having a plan — even if that plan is just eating a pizza and smoking 200 cigarettes, makes those times when you’re all alone with just your silly feelings and lonely heart for company, feel less gut-wrenching.
Life is pretty special and even though right now everything feels like you just stood in a dog poo, it won’t forever. Go roller skating on Tuesday, cook your parents dinner on Thursday, get trashed with your best friend on Friday and Saturday and Sunday and Monday and keep doing that until your heart stops hurting and you realise you’re okay again. I promise it’ll be sooner than you think.