How to Reclaim Your Femininity & Embrace Your Dark Feminine — Part 2

Unleash Your Dark Goddess & Meet Your Needs

For years, I was taught that my needs were not important, and that I did not matter — I addressed this here. I was taught to comply and be “nice” so that others will like me. I did that so well that I repressed my emotions and needs.

And I realise that I’m not alone — many women, especially Asian women, were taught to be nice, comply, and not be “too difficult” by expressing what we want.

When we expressed what we wanted and our raw emotions, we were the “wild, untameable one” — that difficult “bitch.”

Background: Our Mothers

And unfortunately even women and our mothers wanted us to bury our needs and emotions as they have buried theirs’, to comply to patriarchy.

A lot of mothers suppressed their desires and needs to comply to their husband and society for security and safety. They were punished for voicing their needs, be it through physical violence, and/or non verbal abuse like rejection, neglect, abandonment.

These women were taught that they were inferior to others, and that they did not matter. So these women trained themselves that abandoning themselves and putting up with mistreatment is normal, sometimes confusing “abuse” with love, because they needed to comply to be safe.

Unfortunately, a lot of these women then pass along such beliefs to their daughters, and expected their daughters to comply like they did. — They teach their daughters to be “good” and “likeable,” to “comply”, at the expense of their truth.

And, if their daughters dare threaten the status quo by setting boundaries, these mothers will then subconsciously and/or consciously punish their daughters by demeaning them and dismissing their needs and emotions, because they were not able to deal with their unresolved pain and inferiority complex passed down from ancestors and society. Their daughters setting boundaries brings up these women’s shadow — their repressed needs and unhealed emotions — that they desperately try to run away from.

This can be tremendously dangerous. With the excuse of “protecting their daughters” from isolation and abandonment because these mothers believed that they were powerless, they numb their feelings and hurt their daughters emotionally and/or physically.
In a more extreme and uncivilised form, this is why women insist on performing genital mutilation on their daughters and family members, or/and why some mothers work with their husbands to stone their daughters for not complying.

Why Unleashing Our Dark Side Is Key

As I continue to heal, I see very clearly that I have been abandoning my own needs by playing “nice.” In other words, I chose to put others’ needs first thinking that their needs were more important than mine.

But I was not authentic because deep down I was angry because my needs were not met, and I was afraid to voice my authentic thoughts, fearing that others may find me too “bitchy” or “difficult.”

Even though I tried to suppress my dark emotions which stems from my fear of meeting my needs, my dark feminine did not give up. My dark feminine tried to show me what I needed in episodes of rage, anger and destruction. It also embodied itself in episodes of lust, passion, and seduction.

Honestly, my repressed emotions were so scary that I did not want to process them. On one hand I played this “nice” and “pleasant” girl, on the other hand I also played this “angry” and “controlling” bitch, even though I was trying desperately hard to hide the latter role.

But embracing that “bitch” is what exactly what I needed, because such negative emotions showed me what my unmet needs were, and showed me unhealed wounds from my childhood.

By embracing my dark feminine, I am learning to trust my emotions and myself.

By honouring my dark feminine, I learn to process my negative emotions and am actually calmer and more present in many situations — I can also learn to admit to and meet my needs in a healthier way.

I also feel a lot lighter — because my plates of repressed emotions have been washed, and my sink is a lot cleaner than before.

And in this state, I learn to let my true self and femininity shine, light and dark because I honour the truth of how I am really feeling — positive or negative.

As you clear the dust — the dust that is merely an illusion that separates you from your true self — that is obscuring your natural essence by embracing your dark feminine, you become integrated — your natural self and femininity shines.