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I know you want your ex back. But you’re also thinking about moving on. You know that person has faults but your heart still tells you to go back, thinking about how good they are sometimes. You just want to be with that person again, for better or for worse. And guess what? More than 80% of us think of that when we break up.
Then you cry, and maybe even look up to the sky, maybe even pray and think, ‘Please… Just let me get back with my ex. I hope my ex is just making a mistake and he/she wasn’t thinking it through. I know we are perfect for each other. I want to just call my ex up and say “I love you”.’ Then you look at your phone every half an hour, check your messenger, facebook, instagram, twitter, and heck… email inbox, to see if your ex would want to talk to you, all ready to get back together.
STOP. IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
Guess what? Your ex wanted to break up with you because he/she thinks that something is wrong in your relationship. That’s it’s not going to work out.
Well, at least, your ex thinks that you’re not worth the effort.
Sorry to break it to you, honey, that’s the hard truth.
Remember my other post? Everyone has faults and problems. If your partner wants to breakup with you, it means that they don’t love you enough and don’t want to work things out with you.
So how can you get your ex back if they think you’re not worth it?
You need to make them feel you are worth it.
You need to increase your value.
You need to make them feel you’re too busy for them because (a) your life is wonderful (b) you have many people who would want to be with you.
As an example, imagine there’s a pair of shoes you could have got for $50. You quite like it, but you thought it was too expensive so you left. The next day, you passed by again and people started lining up in front of the store, just for those pair of shoes. The price of those shoes became $150. Would you feel like you’ve missed out?
That’s exactly how we want your ex to feel.
That he/she missed out.
You need to make your ex feel that you love yourself. If you love yourself, people will love you, including your ex.
So here’s what you have to do:
- Don’t contact your ex
your ex would think he/she is the best person for you. This act just confirms to your ex that you are not that good, nobody else wants you, and it just confirms to your ex it’s right to have left you.
I did that before. It ended up in 2 tragedies: (a) ex didn’t pick up the call/didn’t reply to my message (b) ex telling me again we’ll never get back together. #burn
- Don’t post negativity on social media
First, your acquaintances will unfollow you and seeing the negativity, they won’t even want to go near you or introduce new people to you. Second, new friends will all know that you’re sad and don’t want to know you more or else they’ll get infected with your sadness. Third, for the friends who really care about you — you can just go the traditional way and meetup with them and cry your eyes out.
It’s really stupid to get more attention by being negative. No one likes to give that kind of attention.
- Don’t hurt yourself
Why are you hurting yourself for someone who doesn’t care? That’s really dumb.
- Don’t just get into relationships easily
I know you feel hurt and you probably feel worthless right now because feel like your ex doesn’t want you. You are eager to feel loved and hopefully ‘My ex will know that I’m in another relationship and my ex will feel jealous, and will beg to come back.’ STOP. That’s not self-love. That’s called my-ex-is-still-the-center-of-my-universe. Everything you do is because you want to get your ex back. But actually, everything you do from now on, should be focused on yourself.
It may seem like they’re contradictory — To get your ex back by not trying to get him/her back.
That’s exactly the point.
That’s what makes us human.
You always want what you don’t get.
And you always want what you think is good for you. So how can you make yourself better? You can start from appearance (new haircut, new clothes, get some muscles, eat healthier, etc) and a good attitude/be open-minded. Join meditation/yoga/learn new things. Upgrade yourself with your outer appearance and inner attitude. Be the best version of yourself.
- Go out with friends and meet new people
So now you’re Version 2.0, you need to Flaunt it to others. Get out more!
- Start doing something that’s been on the Back burner
You need to have to courage to do what you love. That’s the most important point to love yourself.
For example, if you’ve always wanted to try horse-riding, start learning it. Enroll for a course.
If you wanted to start a business, it’s time to start learning how to do that and surround yourself with people who are doing the same.
If you always wanted to go back to your high school and visit your favourite teacher, it’s time to do that.
If you wanted to try that new restaurant and want to do a pedicure, go do it.
This is the time where you just have to care about yourself.
- Take pictures
When you go out or have new experiences, take pictures of your new and improved appearance. When you’re doing your favourite things, take a picture. You can also take pictures with your friends. Be happy. Then post on social media like instagram or facebook. This will help you attract new friends too! Your ex may or may not see these photos. Who cares? You’re enjoying yourself and you will attract more like-minded people. But please don’t post too much. Posting once every two days is a good amount to not annoy others while showing your amazing life.
While you are doing all these, don’t even try to think about your ex or what he/she would like. Do what YOU like. Be the best version of yourself.
I won’t be surprised if your ex starts contacting you again in whichever way. Most of them do.
And when he/she contacts you again, just treat them like an acquaintance, never treat them like an ex. Be nice. If you don’t feel that you’re ready to speak to him/her, then just ignore it. If they ask to meet, don’t do that because although you look all healed, I know it will still hurt when you meet again.
Don’t just start the relationship again after only a few calls/contact.
Afterall, your value is much higher now. Your ex is just another pursurer. Let them wait a while and take as much time as you want to evaluate the person again before you get back. You might even find someone who loves you more that your ex!
As a relationship coach specialising in breakups, it’s my mission to help women to fast-forward the journey to finding a serious relationship, without getting anymore heartbreaks or using popular skills that would actually backfire…
Now that my practice has reached this point, I am only able to personally help so many people each week. The only way to do more is to expand outside my geographic area and my private practice and begin helping people online.
A lot of you keep asking me for help with your dating and relationships. Over the next coming weeks I’d like to do something a little bit different. I have decided to put together a Free Video Training to show you how I got to be in a loving, long-term relationship with my dream guy.
If you could take 5-mins to tell me about your situation, I’ll be able to use that information to make my Free Training awesome, and I can make sure to include topics that you specifically want to know more about in the Free Training.
I wasn’t allowed to date till I was 18.
Suddenly, after 18, my family starting rushing me to start dating and getting a decent boyfriend. But no one wanted to pursue me — I lost confidence in myself because I saw all my friends had guys pursuing them. I thought it was because I’m not pretty enough.
I then tried to make myself pretty. And I took the advice from my friends — I started asking guys out. That didn’t work — they gave me excuses like they are too busy or just tell me they’re not interested in me. I lost my self-esteem once again.
One day, I saw my guy friend reading a book about how to get more dates. I was skeptical at first. But he told me he used the tips before and he started getting more dates. That’s when I had an epiphany…
Dating and relationship skills are not what we’re born with, it’s something that can be learnt!
Since then, I started to study the art of dating and relationships. I tried and tested almost all the popular methods of attracting and keeping the right man: some worked, and some didn’t work. Some of those tips even backfired on me, and I got many heartbreaks because of those tips.
It was a rough journey for me: I’ve been with jerks, been in long-term relationship, lived together, been dumped and dumped someone… But after all that, I finally found the man who met all my requirements, and I am now happily married. (Sometimes, I get tears in my eyes thinking how lucky I am to have figured it out)