I Always Get What I Want

And I Refuse to Have it Any Other Way

Photo by Tessa Rampersad on Unsplash

It occurred to me this morning as I was mulling over the fact that I have to remove my oldest from martial arts because of custody visitation challenges I could not control:

I ALWAYS get what I want.

For days now, I’ve been fighting it. Dreading it. Thinking about how it will devastate him even if it Is only (hopefully) temporary. But I wasn’t being myself. I was letting my thoughts get the best of me.

I was tapping into that “Vanessa the victim” that had reigned in me for so many years, when really, I don’t even know how she showed her ugly face because I’ve been slowly suffocating her.

But there she was.

Telling me that everything wasn’t going to be alright.

Whispering in my ear that things were going to go sour in court again.

Reminding me of what my son has suffered.

Tightening the knot in my stomach at the thought of us losing this fight for his safety, well-being and future, really.

I gave into it. I mean, who wouldn’t in a moment of mental weakness where I am a little more human than I like to embrace and/or admit at times.

But as I slightly obsessed over it, and let the anger boil over at the understanding of how someone could continuously, consistently and committedly put themselves, their desires and needs BEFORE their child — then it REALLY hit me:

Why am I wasting my time worrying about this?

WHY, am I thinking about it?


I started to remember all the other times in my life where my choices, God, fate, the universe had thrown a curve ball in my direction that knocked the wind out of me.

I remember feeling the worry. She was my best friend.

The doubt.

The obsession to FIX it.

The dedication to not let IT happen again.

The pointing in the mirror and endless self-blame that led to nothing but less self-care, less self-love and less LIVING.


Because NOT worrying meant:

Being irresponsible

Not caring enough.

Not paying enough attention.

Not doing it right.

Not focusing enough.

Not giving enough.

Not going ALL IN.

Something must be wrong.

I must be doing something wrong…..

What a waste of time, energy, vibe and LIFE.

And I don’t have to tell you what happened next, do I?

Yep. The cycle repeated. This went on for years. I know some of you can relate.

So then I started thinking about you.

About our conversations, chats, your posts, your vibe, your energy –

And I saw me in YOU.

I saw that old Vanessa, a victim of her situation, her circumstances, her enemies.

HA! She was good, oh boy was she good.

Like you, she had every reason to worry, doubt, not be grateful. She felt cheated by life. She felt unworthy. She felt incomplete.

I mean if a sudden restraining order turns into a rush divorce because he turned out to be raging psycho, then shacks up with your friend and nanny, then hires a corrupt lawyer who helps him get away with everything including YOU paying him child support?????

Yeah, she had every right to feel like crap. And I bet you have pretty good reasons why, too.

But here’s the thing that took me forever to notice: That’s a VICTIM mentality.

That’s a “the world is happening to me and I can’t control it” way-of-thinking and it’s literally a freaking disease.

That’s the total OPPOSITE of who you are, who you are becoming, who you want to be.

That’s not an “I am in control of how I feel, and I create my reality” way-of-thinking, so why so we sit there and bask in it.

It deflates you from your energy, it kills your vibe, it keeps you stuck out of flow and alignment. It makes you feel useless, powerless and incomplete.

It sucks.

But it’s a fact. And so many women (humans) like me and you are THERE.

Like robots. Waking up every day, doing your thang that you feel you need to do, go to sleep, wake up, repeat.

I see and feel it in the way you show up.

Really? EVERYONE does, darling.

And I’d love to tell you that it’s not your fault. Blame your dad. Blame the ex. Stop drinking. Or some other quick Dr. Phil fix. No offense to Dr. Phil.

But it’s all a choice. YOUR choice. Yes, even when you DO have every right to cry, hate, scream, be angry, worry…..

It’s still a choice NOT to be or do any of those things.

And let me tell you-

It’s a deliberate, powerful, intentional, and pleasurable feeling to DECIDE that whatever is happening, even if it looks favorable or not, IS working in your favor.

It takes even more power from within to DECIDE that whatever it is — planned or unplanned, pleasant or not — is EXACTLY what you want.

But how can that be possible, Vanessa?

How can it be what I want if it’s the opposite of what I want, deserve, and have been working so hard towards?

How can it be what I want if it’s not what I was expecting or thinking about?

Here’s the mental switch:

It BECOMES exactly what you want when you SURRENDER. When you accept, embrace and ENJOY the journey.

When you KNOW inside that you have done everything in your power.

You have done the work — inner, outter, whatever it takes.

You have been consistent.

You have been true.

Now, all that’s left is that you SURRENDER.

Surrender to having to know why, how, when.

Surrender to the stories you’ve been telling yourself about how it should be.

Surrender to the fact that if you DECIDE, even the bad things?

MUST work in your favor.

They WILL and ARE working in your favor.

If you keep doing the work. If you continue to be true to yourself.

Thereby, making those unplanned/unexpected/unwanted events EXACTLY what you want.

It may sound ridiculous. Maybe not.

It did to me when the conviction of “CHOICE” first started to make its rude awakenings in my life.

But it’s true -

You have the power and choice to take everything in your life, every bad situation, event, relationship– EVERYTHING

And find the lesson, find the good.

Don’t stop searching for answers. Don’t stop looking for how that situation is actually for the best.

Because if you DECIDE, THINK, BELIEVE that everything is always working in your favor, how can you NOT feel that it is?

How can it NOT be?

How can you not feel like you ALWAYS get everything you want?

And hey? Remember –

The next move is always yours.

Just BE. Live Free.


Vanessa is a former corporate management and risk consultant. She now uses her dozen years of business and leadership psychology expertise to help businesses and entrepreneurs across the globe. Vanessa is a speaker, writer and entrepreneur. Connect with her on Facebook for more powerful business, mindset and personal excellence advice. To find out more go to www.vanessarende.com.