I Don’t Care What Exercise You Do or What You Choose to Eat, Among a Long List of Things.

Or rather, how you do have time to post your self-improvement goals so incessantly?

I’m going Paleo again! Fifth time’s the charm! Bellows one of my contacts on Facebook.

Gluten-Free and Happy As Can Be! Declares another regularly healthy person. I ask you this — have you ever shit orange? For a week? I can’t really eat bread anymore and I’m not 100% at peace with that.

I apologize. You can change your diet for whatever fashion or celebrity you wish to associate with. I’m just exploring whether anyone in your 1072 contacts gives a toss.

30-Day Squat Challenge Meme! Boasts someone who will, from this moment on, neglect to get up from the computer for the next few hours. At least not until the Dominos arrives.

I’m neither qualified nor energetic enough to get into the ‘social media makes us show our best selves’ analysis. We all put up the best photos, the funniest part of the evening, the best news we’ve had all year. And part of that is because we want to celebrate. I want to celebrate my friends’ good news, and if the new way to do that is over the internet, in front of everyone then so be it. Everyone is invited to the time I milked a plastic cow.

You

Are

Welcome.

The concept of telling someone your goals so you have an accountability buddy is, I think, wonderful. Talking your actual dreams through with your friends is a basic social need, I get that.

It’s simply that we’ve got to the point, rather organically, of telling people who don’t care about us what we’re about to do. Worse still, we don’t really do it, do we?

And that’s the thing that bugs me. Instead of going on that run, eating that healthy recipe or becoming a ‘strong, independent person who DGAF anymore’, we post it as a baseless statement to someone in particular. This is what I want. This is what I aspire to be. I don’t believe for a second that I’ll achieve it, but maybe you’ll believe it. I just need you to validate me. Just acknowledge me and I can go back to YouTube and snacking.

If you’re someone who posts life-changing stuff and runs with it — I’m all for it. If you’re someone who posts life-changing stuff because you want other people to tell you it’s a good idea, consider this:

If you think it’s a good idea, if you want to try something — why isn’t your opinion enough?

This isn’t a rant from a pedestal. I ask myself the same question on an almost daily basis. Because it helps me get shit done. And I’ve realized that pulling yourself out of bed, away from your computer and phone and getting shit done is worth more than a thousand informative memes.

If you have an idea — try it.

At the very least, you’ll have something to talk about. Around the middle, you’ll have something to post on Social Media to celebrate with people. At best, you’ll have done something you wanted, by yourself. Nobody can touch that.

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