Is failure inevitable? Why many of us set unrealistic expectations and why the simple phrase ‘I am’ could change this
I thought it was just me but it isn’t. I know that now and it feels so comforting to recognise this.
You see how many of us dance with the comparison gremlin. How many of us lie awake at night, consumed with guilt and shame. Feeling like we can’t carry on with certain aspects of our lives because we don’t make the grade, that it won’t be good enough, that we’ll be judged, criticised or mocked.
Ugh, it sends shivers down my spine and paralyses my ability to see myself for who I really am.
So let me ask you — do you speak to yourself like someone you love?
I know that sounds weird doesn’t it but actually we spend so much time telling ourselves we’re not enough. That we don’t matter, that we’re not brave, strong, pretty, wise, rich, or good enough.
You see then the words have been spoken, they’ve landed in the universe and they can never be removed. If you look at your watch the time is now — so the words will remain in the past forever — they can’t be retrieved, crossed out or disposed of.
So what do I do? I can’t sit here forever replaying the conversation in my mind. Can I?
I can either let this self sabotage steer me into a path of negativity where my gremlins will have a party and constantly whine and repeat phrases such as ‘I am not enough’, or I can ask myself ‘whether there’s any truth in what’s been said?’
Challenging the expectations
So I choose to challenge the expectations I set of myself. You know that endless to do list that just gets longer each day. I mean come on — can I really achieve all of this in one day? And if I don’t why do I then tell myself I’m a failure and I could have tried harder?
What would it be like to reset the expectations of what we want to get done? To work on the things that really matter to us — that we feel aligned to, that we value and that we feel connected too.
I am the maker of my own life, the conductor of my own orchestra and the amazing music that shall continue to play as I dance in my own magnificence of authenticity. For I am real, with my feet firmly grounded knowing I stand tall honouring my values and following my true life purpose.
What’s the story here?
So often in life we rush round not really paying attention to the people around us, the way we conduct ourselves and sometimes the things we say to ourselves and others. We don’t always engage mouth and brain, words tumble out, lies are spoken, judgements are made and relationships are tested.
So let me challenge the power of that narrative. What story are you making up about yourself? And where might you be judging others too as a way of offloading your own hurt onto others because it feels easier to deflect it away from what’s really going on?
Is life out to support or get me?
I encourage you to take a few moments today and give yourself permission to just be. Notice what’s really going on for you. Are you expecting life to be free and easy? Are you setting yourself up to fail by constantly raising the bar?
We need to stop seeing each other as better than us and tap into our inner wisdom of who we really are and what we’re capable of.
So here are my top tips to help you change your perception of failure. After all as my hero Brene Brown says “failure is an imperfect word. Because the minute we start learning from the event it’s no longer a failure”.
- Check in with your to-do list
How realistic are you being about what you want to achieve? What would it be like to switch this to a ta-dah list and celebrate what you have done instead or to be more mindful of your expectations with time and energy that you have?
2. Reach out and ask for help
You don’t need to change the world by yourself. Reaching out and asking for help is not a weakness. Who are your champions that could support you?
3. Check in with your beliefs
What beliefs from your past are you holding onto that keep you small? Which ones could you let go of that could help you feel free to live your life in every moment. What is your ‘I am’ phrase that you need to connect with?
Every day is an opportunity to connect with the present moment and ask “what do I want from the day?”
To stand tall, recognise your own successes and say I AM enough.
Would you like some support in taking back control of self care and becoming more resilient?
Happy to be ME hub — come join us!
The Happy to be ME hub is a closed Facebook group which provides a safe environment where people can share what’s made them smile and also be honest about their journey to valuing self worth. Everybody supports and champions each other to become their best selves and connect with their self worth. I share regular tips and techniques to overcome self doubt and make self worth a lifestyle not a luxury. The hub is very much a community. We’ll help you be sure that that every step is a step in the right direction
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