Leaning Into the Lull
There are times in life when we’re called to be quiet; to listen, not do. And those are often some of the best moments of our lives if we allow them to be.
I’ve been in a lull. A time when I want to retreat, think, be quiet, keep my life closed in. My expansive nature has needed some time to retreat and process…or just rest. I’m not sure. But I’ve felt lots of self-criticism about it.
It’s felt draining. Even for an extrovert.
Life demands that we’re always on. Especially if you have a business or some sort of online personality to manage. Maybe you’re an influencer, a founder, a high-profile executive or a stay-at-home mom who is a leader in your community or connecter of friends. And when we don’t post or email or write for a while people begin to wonder if everything is okay.
Society shames the lull. We must keep moving or people begin to think something is wrong. If you’re an entrepreneur, a lull means business isn’t going well If you’re an executive, it means you’re unhappy in your job…not building your personal brand and network. If you’re an individual, you’re depressed or dealing with issues in your life.
Think about your judgments when people change the pace of anything they’re doing in life. From working out a lot to letting a few pounds pile on. From posting on social media constantly to disappearing for a while. We put meaning behind the lulls… and mostly what we think is negative. To the point that if we decide to disappear for a while or just slow down, we feel like we have to explain ourselves. “Hey everyone! I’m taking a break from posting… doing a 30-day social media detox! See you in a month.”
Two weeks’ vacation a year, often during the most busy time of year, isn’t enough downtime to process and regain perspective. Capitalism doesn’t reward the lulls. It rewards being constantly busy. But that goes against what we need as human beings. Time to just be, to turn off, to retract and then expand. It’s part of the give and take of life. And this lack of downtime, of creating space to slip into a lull, is causing unrest in our lives and in our work.
Women and young people are leaving fulltime work and moving to something that’s flexible, where they can rest when they want to rest and get right back to work when they’re ready and charged up. The gig economy promises flexibility. It feels good to rest when you need it. It restores you.
The popularity of meditation has surged over the last 10 years because people want time to stop so badly. Because of the growing expectation that we must always be available (show of hands: Who sleeps with their cell phone on next to their bed? Who can’t go outside to mow the lawn without having their phone with them? What if someone tries to get ahold of you?!), we now have to schedule time to allow for downtime through meditation. We have to get up earlier, block out 30 minutes or go to a studio to just be… time without input, time without output. And doesn’t it feel so good to just stop? Just like after a good vacation, we come back super charged, clear and ready to dive in to our work.
Here’s what I’ve been up to during my lull. I’ve been thinking. Resting from always having the answers and being inspiring. Or feeling like I need to always have something exciting to talk about or some big aha moment to share. I’ve been operating my business, looking for clues as to what’s working, what’s not and what’s next. I’ve been exercising, getting outside every day, nesting and wondering what’s next for Collective Gain, for me… for my family. It’s been a time of reflection, self-care, and deep curiosity-filled pondering. And yet, while I know it’s so good for me and it feels so natural and needed, I still carry a little cloud of shame over it.
Shame that I haven’t pushed through the lull to continue to post, share, create at the same pace as I had been.
Shame that I’ve experienced confusion of what to offer or create next.
Shame that I didn’t always know what to do the first time around.
Shame that I need time to rest, recalibrate, get clear again.
It’s unrealistic to believe we must be producing all the time — for your kids, partner, team, social media following… anyone who you feel expects you to be, act, or make them feel a certain way. As someone who doesn’t do much without it feeling right first, this new “always on“ requirement creates more urgency in my need to retreat and process. Wondering why you keep needing a break, a vacation, a time-out? It’s not just you. Our culture is revving all the time, and yet we are struggling to keep up.
This pace of living is compounded by the fact that we live in a world where we’re never forced to slow down, listen, be quiet. There’s always an answer at our fingertips — you don’t need to wonder how something works or where something comes from, you just look it up and get the answer immediately. The result is that we feel uninspired, burnt out, disconnected. In fact, The Conference Board reports that 53% of Americans are currently unhappy at work — believable. And a recent Gallop reports that 70% of employees are not engaged at work — they’re tuned out.
Once my grandmother’s kids were at school and the chores were done, she used to love to bake cinnamon rolls. She’d gift them to the neighbors, offer them to the kids when they got home. Living on a farm there was always plenty to do, but there was also time where the mind could be quiet. Laundry, milking a cow, baking, planting vegetables… this wasn’t idle time in meditation, but it was a kind of moving meditation.
Lately, I’ve found myself cleaning my house for hours. At first, I thought it was just there was so much to clean! (hello 3 kids, a dog and 2 cats), but I’ve come to realize it’s a time out. It’s a time the feels good because I’m present, confident in my abilities, and the task allows for my mind to shut off and simply focus on the most simple thing — the lego on the floor, the crumbs under the table, the fluff of dog hair in the corner. And it feels so good.
There’s more to quiet time than giving your mind a break from chatter and life’s urgent demands, I believe it’s also a time to soak life in. When I was a kid we’d go visit my mom’s family in Gustine, California. It was about a 90-minute drive from our house in the San Francisco Bay Area. After a long day of visiting with family, going from house to house, seeing aunts, cousins, and great uncles we’d drive home, hearts full, bellies too, and I’d sit and stare out the window for 90 minutes in silence. No one would talk, often it’d be dark outside. I’d trace lines between the stars in the sky, I’d wonder what was out there, I’d look at the horizon and find shapes in the outline the dark sky made against the pitch black hills. It’s a favorite childhood memory.
When’s the last time you did this? Put down your phone, closed the book, shut down the computer, turned off the TV and just stopped? Stopped being, telling, learning, fixing, creating… stopped actively trying to zone out by having your phone in your hand, the TV on and a book or laptop half open on your lap? I’m not even talking about meditating — just being present in life without doing?
What if instead, you allowed the lull to enter. What if you gave yourself the time and space to just be, quiet, without doing, without knowing, without moving forward? In the self-help world, we sometimes get obsessed with always improving and moving forward, being better. But part of being your best is allowing the time and space to go within, be quiet and let the love, insight and wonder of life sink deep into your cells to heal, restore and get you ready for what’s next. That’s where real inspiration and deep appreciation and gratitude come from — deep within when all the wonder that is life makes it into our bones. I am convinced that there is something chemical that happens, that our bodies need time to receive and process all that life is giving us. That in order for us to fully realize our own potential we must carve out time to receive. It’s our filling station. Food isn’t the only fuel we need — we need life experiences, love, gratitude, and awe to really bond ourselves to life and the opportunities that come. We must stop, rest and allow ourselves to digest them and fuse them to who we are.
I’m still about having it all. And I believe it’s possible. I believe in AND not OR. I believe that I can be a successful founder AND experience a lull. I believe I can be an excellent wife and need some time alone. I believe I can be my strongest, have my best body, and be 40 years old. And all of this comes when we create time to rest and allow. Allow our hearts, our minds and our bodies to create life for us, with us. The lulls are a gift. They’re helping us become our best.
Let’s admire the lulls, in our own lives and in others, excited for what’s next and grateful for the time to let life sink in. It’s really a magical thing, life. And I’m grateful to be experiencing it with all of you.
If you’ve felt any connection, warmth or release reading this, I encourage you to now stop doing anything. Sit and rest in the feeling, allow that feeling to sink deep down into your bones.
Sending you love and gratitude to be sharing this time and space with you.
If you’ve enjoyed this story, you’ll likely love my soul-inspired articles around how to find your way. Stay updated with my latest adventures and aha moments in the world of self-improvement and follow Collective Gain to join a community of people searching for better.
