Love is an Inside Job | From #RealSelfLove to Healthy Relationships

Dr. Andrea Pennington
Thrive Global
Published in
4 min readApr 1, 2019


Lately I’ve been talking about some of the authors from last year’s group book projects, and how their stories inspired me to compile a new group book this year on the subject of Manifesting Love.

There is a pretty undeniable link between getting to know, love and accept yourself, and finding that kind of love with another person.

Often we have something of a #realselflove journey to go on before we can find the kind of loving relationship that we really want and deserve.

Margaretha Tosi-Lesman is one of these inspiring authors. Her story incorporates both the self-love journey aspect, and the manifesting, law of attraction aspect that I find so fascinating.

As Margaretha told us in her chapter of Magic and Miracles, during her early 20’s she felt constantly pulled by her emotions. Struggling to know what these emotions were for, and if she should listen to them or not, she became indecisive and increasingly stressed, with anger bubbling beneath the surface.

Margaretha’s breakthrough began with opening up to her mother about her struggles, and being met with total understanding and compassion. And so her journey of self-discovery and finding self-love began. After taking a couple of years away from dating and working on herself, Margaretha was then ready to ask the universe for what she wanted — real love!

You might be wondering, how do you ‘ask the universe’ for something that you want? Whether you are a firm believer in the law of attraction, or unconvinced but curious, I think the best methods are the ones personalized to you. Simply meaning that it’s got to feel right for you, and allow you to get that positive energy flowing.

Some people pray, others meditate and visualize — and there are many more creative processes from art to creative writing that can all help people to manifest their desires. For Margaretha, a writing process was what helped her to focus her energy and intention.

If you want to hear more from Margaretha herself, then you can watch our interview here on YouTube.

When I talk about focussing on our relationship with ourself in order to manifest true love, magic and happiness with a significant other, I’m also reminded of Dr. Gayle Friend, who co-authored my group book Time to Rise, back in 2017.

Gayle shared a wonderfully honest story about how the sense of disconnect she had in childhood let to her growing up with a lack of love for herself. This in turn led to difficulties in her adult relationships.

The journey she went on to learn what love really was brought on a gradually growing understanding, which she described as a dimmer switch slowly turning on a lightbulb. Looking back at her first marriage, Gayle realized that she and her husband hadn’t really known how to love each other.

This is not an uncommon thing for people to experience. We all understand what love is on an intellectual level, but knowing how to let go of our inner gremlins enough to let the love flow is easier said than done. I think the problem is compounded by the fact that it’s not something we all talk about too readily.

There is a bit of a stigma about emotions; we are meant to have them, but we are not meant to show them too readily. They are supposed to be under control — another one of those little unhelpful lessons from society.

Gayle is now truly happy; both in her relationship and within herself. If you would like to hear more about the journey she went on then you can watch our interview here on YouTube.

I think this is fascinating, the way that we are constantly growing, evolving and reaching new levels of understanding. Life, learning, and indeed love are all journeys rather than destinations.

If you’ve asked the universe for a loving relationship and have a story to share, I would love to hear from you. I am currently accepting applications for my upcoming co-authored book, Manifesting Love. Find more info here.

Originally published at on April 1, 2019.



Dr. Andrea Pennington
Thrive Global

Self-love + Resilience| Personal Branding + Publishing | Meditation | Free Ebooks@