On Dealing with Loss
Today, Sunday, July 30, 2017, I officially lost the most special person I’ve ever known.
What makes this person so special is not how amazing of a heart she has, or how she puts everyone before herself without preconceived expectations, or her my-cheeks-hurt-from-laughing-so-much sense of humor, or that she was my number-one fan/friend/partner-in-crime, or her sense of self and goodwill. Of course, these things add fuel to the fire, but what makes this person so special is how I could be my absolute, naked self with her.
Think about it: With how many people in your life can you be your absolute, naked self — without filtering or masking a single thing (both conscious and subconscious)? Like my list (of one), I’m sure your list is pretty short as well.
It’s difficult to lose someone who means so much to you — and it’s even more difficult to realize that you didn’t realize how much she meant to you until after you let her go, like that one song:
“You only know you love her when you let her go — and you let her go.”
I’ve tried to psychoanalyze myself to understand if what I’m feeling is just a classic case of bargaining in the process of mourning a loss. Truthfully, I have no clue.
But one thing I’ve learned since January 11, 2017 — the day we broke up — is that maybe our long lists of criteria that we (or at least some of us) use to grade lifelong partners aren’t so necessary. Maybe being with someone who’s simply a good person, who’s kind, compassionate, altruistic, family-oriented and open-minded — regardless of their real and perceived flaws — maybe that’s more than enough. Because, right now, that sounds like a great f***ing package of personality traits that I’d want my lifelong partner (and our potential kids) to have.