Progressive Versus Regressive
A conflict of perspective between a mother and her daughter
Anu and Annie. Anu was 58 and Anni 30. Anu was cheated upon by her husband and Annie was molested by her father as a 7 year old. When Anu shared her story with Annie, of how her husband of 30 years has been cheating on her, Annie held her, comforted her and encouraged her to stand up for herself. However, it was Anu’s life and Annie didn’t judge her for it. She decided to give her marriage of over 30 years a chance as her husband apologized. Annie shared her biggest childhood trauma with Anu, thinking she will understand and support her. Annie shared how she was molested by her father and how she could fathom courage only after seeing Annie sharing her wounds with Annie. However, Anu refused to even acknowledge the incident, let alone talk about it.
Annie was devastated. She wanted support, but Anu had other important things to deal with, like taking care of her husband and obsessing over the household chores. Finally, Annie asked Anu ‘Mom, didn’t you feel for once that your daughter had to go through the such a trauma at such young age? You did not even come and give a hug, let alone talk to me about it’
Anu was silent. She never expected her daughter to be so vocal. Surprised, Anu fumbled and said ‘what is there to talk about it Annie? It was ages back, and your father is denying that it happened.’ Hearing those words from her mother felt like Annie had been hit by a thunderstorm.She was numb, asking further, craving for the love and support she knew she will never get ‘so you believe him, that’s fine, but don’t you feel anything as a woman?’ Anu was further at a loss for words but managed to say ‘No matter what, I have to stay with your father’
In that moment, Annie’s whole world became topsy-turvy. She could not relate to the fact that her mother was being so nonchalant about it. She realized that there is no point asking her mother to take a stand for her, for the woman who lets herself be mistreated and cheated upon by her husband cannot be expected to stand up for her daughter. In that instant, Annie became her own source of strength. Yes, she believed in love, but not the unconditional one. That conversation she had was with her mother. But she realized her mother had to be healed too. She realized there is no unconditional love. It was then, that Anni realised she had to become her own hero and for doing that, we need to sometimes divorce the people who are not meant for us, even it means ‘Family’ She was finally ready for divorcing her family and embracing her true friend-Uncertainty.