Putting yourself first may be scary
Why do we choose to obey others and play small?
I’ve noticed a very interesting thing while working with my clients — which is that we try to hide who we really are to avoid any kind of pain.
Each of us has been “punished” in one way or another for being our true self so we rather learn to hide so well that sometimes even we ourselves forget who we are.
I love metaphysical book A Course in Miracles that has impacted me more than any other book. And I’ve read many books. Trust me! If I were to sum up what A Course in Miracles has taught me the most then it would be remembering who we really are.
Knowing who we’re is not meant in the way what our status is or what we have achieved but rather our unchangeable essence. The essence that is deep within you and which has never been negatively influenced by anything that you have ever experienced. This is your inner truth.
We cover and deny this truth because we fear that we’re different and not good enough for others. It’s seems less painful to do what others want us to do than losing their love and attention.
This is also amplified by society and parents that reward us for being obedient and doing the right choices. The right choices for them to be specific.
In companies we’re good employees when we follow the orders and do overtimes. In relationships we’re good partners when we agree with the other one and always put them first. At least in the traditional relationships that many people experience. Our society deeply values our obedience because this way it’s easiest to control and manipulate us. In relationships being obedient means not triggering the fears of another person.
No wonder we lose track of who we really are because it’s not comfortable to stand in our truth when the whole world seems to be enjoying rules, standards, and obedience. Yet in this way we disconnect from ourselves and then we just wander aimlessly in the world wondering why we aren’t happy. Nothing really fulfills us because we’re full of opinions of others. Our cup is full with inauthenticity.
I can see that people are unhappy because they believe they must become someone else and work hard to deserve praise and recognition from someone else.
Children are happy before they start denying their natural happiness and purity. We teach them that it’s wrong to behave like they wish and we shape them into a different version of ourselves that is easy to manage. We fear their immediacy because it reminds us something we’ve disconnected from.
This is part of the deal living on this planet yet we don’t have to settle for unsatisfying way of living. Too many generations have been almost worshiping hard work and self-sacrifice as if it would be a virtue.
Yet, let me ask you what is the point of living a life that you don’t enjoy?
At the end of the days, will you be truly happy that you’ve become whom the society shaped wanted you to be or will you regret it?
This is something we must decide for ourselves. And we do. Yet I wish this decision would be more conscious for all of us.
Although our decisions are driven by fears, we aren’t our fears.
We can let them go anytime we choose to. Sometimes they serve us to protect us from some seemingly more painful situations. Like when you’re afraid that you’ll fail if you start a new business so you rather don’t even try to avoid the pain from failing.
But if we allow ourselves to fully embrace our true essence and let go of these crutches, we’ll find out that we don’t need to protect ourselves from anything. Our greatness is far beyond any fears. When we begin to embody our soul, we’ll realize that the best is to be our true selves. Only this brings us lasting joy and happiness.
Every single of you as you’re reading this article can choose to be happy for no reason. Each of you can let go of littleness and discover your deepest desires to create the life that fulfills you and inspires you. We can support each other on the way to our true self. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know where to begin because the pure willingness will open doors for you that you can open for yourself.
I would love to inspire you to connect with your soul so I run free Monthly Challenges where you receive each month a workbook with powerful questions that are designed to open yourself to your inner truth.