Releasing my fear of being alone in Bali
It is 5am and I am waiting in my hotel lobby for my transfer to the airport because today I fly to Bali. I’m full of interesting conflicting emotions. Firstly, I feel slightly anxious as this is the first holiday I have ever been on by myself. Ever. In (almost) 40 years. Secondly because lots of people don’t think I should go as the volcano is threatening eruption any minute.
The volcano bit doesn’t worry me much, I will be staying far away from the mountain and all the experts say only the ash cloud has the potential to affect me where I am. Having traveled the world for the past 13 years I have been in tsunamis, typhoons, earthquakes, wars, military coo’s, floods and just missed being in serious terrorist attacks. Despite this, the threats that have bothered me the most have been heightened terrorist warnings in London. Anything can happen at anytime, anywhere. The media sensationalises what is happening to divide us. It stirs up feelings of hate and fear so that we stay locked up in our houses and are easier to control. My preference is always to jump feet first into all the places our beautiful world has to offer and to do what I can to make them even better.
Interestingly, the feeling I have about going on holiday on my own is having more of an impact. I am a person who fills my life with people. My experiences in life so far have felt brighter and more beautiful by sharing them with those that I love. I actually spend a lot of time alone but it is always between places and people. So this little journey I am embarking on will be interesting.
I intend to learn how to properly slow down and enjoy doing nothing for long periods of time. To see where my thoughts go and what ideas I create when I have no one else to think about. I also intend to write (if not finish) my book but I am not attached to this.
Mixed with and more powerful than my slight anxiety is excitement and curiosity about what I will learn about myself.
I am immensely grateful that I am able to create a life where I can make these choices and that I am in a mindset of learning. Knowing that everything happens for a reason means that I no longer exist in a state of fear or worry. I am able to open my mind and heart to the world and my experiences knowing that I am creating exactly what I need to be able to become even more aware and better understand who I am.
Every part of me knows that I will be in Bali at the right time to learn Every part of me knows that I will be in Bali at the right time to learn something new about myself, other people and the world we are collectively creating and that this knowledge will help me to create even more change. I will look forward to sharing what this is at the end of my adventure.