Sit Still Inside the Nothingness
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be lost.
Not because I’m feeling that way right now, but because I have at many different points during this little life of mine… as recently as this past winter and spring.
When I made the choice to pull down seven years of content, close the doors to all my programs, and basically hit the brakes on everything I’d poured my whole life and self and heart into building for nearly a decade… it left me feeling a little directionless. And when I say “a little” I mean “totally and completely lacking in anything that resembles direction.”
I had no motivation to create at all.
I did absolutely nothing to try and make money.
I didn’t strive in any way that a person could possibly choose to strive.
As a long time overachiever, purpose-driven, goal oriented, content creation machine… this was THE MOST motionless period of my entire life. It was a great big pocket of nothingness. A void, if you will.
And yet, it was also incredibly productive.
I did some of the deepest, most painful, and most incredibly healing work with a wide variety of practitioners, modalities, and close friends.
I learned — and continue to learn every single day — how to manage my anxiety, heal my PTSD, and release the fears and traumas that have held me back.
I discovered what really brings me joy, and I’m truly happier than I’ve ever been. In that real, obnoxious, happy-even-when-I’m-not-happy kind of way.
I’ve also gotten clear on who I am and what I really want to create going forward… which includes the Call of the Void site, vlogging, a new program I’ll be announcing soon, AND bringing some of those old pieces back to life (such as daily Awesome Life Tips to start!) in a way that feels more aligned.
So, why didn’t I just leave it all up and take some space? Why did I go to the trouble to pull it all down in the first place?
Because if the last three years have taught me anything, it’s that sometimes you need to burn everything to the ground and strip yourself bare in order to uncover what’s real and true for you… without the influence of who you used to be staring you in the face at every turn. Sometimes you have to step so far away from everything known and familiar, so that you can learn how to choose a new way of BEING, in order to become the person you’re here to be. In order to find your footing in the aftermath of the most challenging chapters of your life.
Not always, but sometimes.
Sometimes you need to consciously create a void and sit still inside the nothingness — patient, terrified, confused, and completely “lost” by all “normal” societal standards — so that something new and different and better can reveal itself. And so that you can also choose what’s meant to stay, to shift, to grow right alongside you as you begin moving forward again.