Spiritual Growing Pains

Is The Fear of Pain or Struggle Stopping You From Growing?

I am growing

I know because I can feel it

It’s not comfortable, but its okay

It’s not the kind of growing pains that kids talk about though

It’s not feeling your bones grow and ache

It’s more like feeling your heart break open

It’s releasing stories that hold us trapped in a limited reality

It’s letting go of beliefs about what truth is and releasing attachment to what defines us

It’s surrendering to the unknown

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I used to fear pain

Like it was the enemy

So I deliberately architected the perfect psyche

One that was far from experiencing pain

I created a personality and plan for my life that didn’t include pain

After all, I AM a deliberate creator

The thing is, I was at war with myself

In my head, an inner battle

One of those ones that no one outside of you sees

The wholeness of who I am wanted to feel true freedom

To feel deep love and to experience outrageous joy

I wished to be the vessel for unconditional love to flow through

I could always find the good in everything…that was easy

What I didn’t realize is how I stubbornly pushed hard against experiencing pain at all

And this resistance was the foundation of my inner struggle

I feared experiencing pain, so I spent my life protecting myself from it

That is a lot of energy and focus going into resisting,

Yet I maintained the knowing that opening to our limitless power requires fully releasing resistance

Not if it involved pain though

No one wants to feel heartache, right?

Still I felt strongly like I was being pulled to be more, to open…

And then I uncovered the real truth

I learned who I truly am

I am consciousness and I am having a physical world experience

And an important part of this life is experiencing emotion

Having the experience of the wide range of emotions

There is an essential ingredient to deliberate creation that not everyone talks about

It’s about being real

It’s about embracing all parts of this physical experience

Finding the balance between the physical and non-physical

Completely allowing what is

Being alive and feeling life fully

And here in lies the key

You are the experiencer of your emotions

You are not your emotions

I am growing

I know because I can feel it

There is this pressure in my chest

Like a ball of heavy energy just sitting there, waiting to be released

But I’m aware of it now, and I see it as an object

And it doesn’t scare me

It is not who I am,

It is not even a part of me

It is simply something I am experiencing

Awareness transcends

I am not my pain

So bring it on life, you infinite teacher

I am opening now, ready for more

I am growing