The Agony Of A Broken Heart

A knife is thrust forwards. Simultaneously and powerfully it penetrates the soft skin and contented heart, plunging it into shock. That is the exact second that pinpoints the life changing moment that a heart is broken.

Frequently there’s a warning. The knife will drag over the skin for days, weeks or even months, scratching cells and pushing harder when ignored. It places its flat handle into the gut, a reminder that something bad will happen soon and it presses harder whenever the mind becomes quiet and tries to rest.

Whether there is a warning or not, the feeling of shock is still the same. Panic starts to replace blood in the veins and then as it drains from the holes left in the heart, it is replaced by fear, loneliness and sadness.

The heart is left fragile with cracks, chips, pieces missing and edges like shattered glass, still standing but weak enough to fall with a gust of wind. Confidence, self belief and courage pour from the damaged areas until the heart begins to fold in on itself.

The pain is caused by tragedy, deception, loss, death, sickness, some kind of lasting separation from something loved and a future that was laid out with it. Whatever forced the separation, it is still agony.

The heart tries to heal and as time passes the holes in the heart start to fill. Sometimes the heart knows that it cannot suffer this torment again so uses concrete and cement. If only someone could warn it that tragedy and loss can come more than once and is often forceful enough to knock down even the strongest walls.

There are souls in the world that find different ways to fill the cracks. They find a way to use empathy, love and kindness. Instead of allowing these things to drain from them, they use them to help others. These are the souls that are the most ravishing yet most graceful in our world. They know what pain is, they know what darkness looks like and they notice it in someone else. Moments before their heart folds, they decide to help and just like the moment that pinpoints a heart being shattered, this is the moment that a broken heart becomes the most beautiful thing on earth.

5 ways to help heal a broken heart

  1. As the initial shock happens your heart needs kindness and understanding. Ask for help, phone a friend or if you find there are no friends or family to hold you up, phone a helpline. Don’t be cruel to your heart, don’t criticise it for ‘feeling’!
  2. Have a rest. Broken hearts often result in busy minds, trouble sleeping and exhaustion from stress. Take an evening or day to rest. Get a duvet, a DVD and snuggle on the sofa.
  3. Giving your heart a day or two to cope with the shock will help but when a day or two turns into a week or two, something needs to change. Now is the time for real self care. Soak in the bath, moisturise, care for your nails, treat your tired eyes to cooling lotion, reduce caffeine and increase water, look at the nutrients and fuel that you are giving your body and mind.
  4. Plan your week intentionally. Perhaps you have work or family commitments but your priority must be you. Block time on your calendar for things that will aid your healing and lead you to your new future. Often the things that will help are not the things that you’ll feel like doing, so consciously plan them and take steps to make it happen. Start exercising daily, there is an unlimited list of ways in which this can help! Improved health, fantastic feel good endorphins, new goals and feelings of empowerment. Visit a new environment, this could be a weekend away or even a local town you’ve not been to yet. Let your mind be inspired with new things! I suspect the last thing you fancy doing is starting a new class but what if you did? Where could you be a year from now? However you choose to take action, make sure you do take action. Everyday take a small step towards the future until the steps become easy.
  5. The worst thing that you can say to someone with a broken heart is “keep it in perspective” so I won’t! But I will finish with 3 thoughts. Firstly there are 7 billion people in the world. Secondly, soon this will all be history. Thirdly, you have the power to turn your suffering into a character that this world would love and that it needs.

Originally published at on February 12, 2017.

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