The Battle of Creating Chill-Out Time for Our Autistic Child

When our daughter was diagnosed with high-functioning autism just over a year ago, it seemed like a weight off the minds of my wife and I. My wife, in particular, had sensed that there was something going on with our daughter for a couple of years. Being a former registered children’s nurse, I knew that she had the training and the insight to know that we needed to seek advice.

Unfortunately, this began what would turn out to be over a year of assessments and waiting lists, before our daughter was finally diagnosed. They told us straight away that she was on the autistic spectrum, and that they would be sending a report to us. It validated our concerns, though it never caused us to think any differently about our daughter. However, it did allow us to seek additional support from her school, who was trying to help her but had limited funding.

Out daughter had started secondary school the year before, and while she loved the staff and the lessons, there were issues that needed to be addressed. One of these was that she was increasingly overwhelmed by constant attention, which meant she often needed time to herself. We found that if she wasn’t given this time, she would become overstimulated, or upset. It was made worse by her absolute fear of upsetting anyone or getting into trouble. It meant that she wouldn’t be able to let out her frustration, especially at school.

We were doing our best to manage her time alone fairly well until this school year when a friend from her primary school joined. Our daughter had already made a good friend, who was quite clingy to our daughter. Although she found it tough at times, she was able to get enough space for herself to cope with it. However, when her other friend joined, there began a battle between her two friends to spend time with our daughter.

Although most children would love the attention that this would bring, our daughter was overwhelmed by it and felt suffocated at school because they wouldn’t leave her alone. We were pleased that she had such good friends, but she was becoming increasingly upset by this attention and started to get upset when we took her to school. It placed her school in a unique situation for them, as they normally have to deal with children being mean, rather than friendly. They were fantastic with her and allowed her to spend some time in their ‘chill-out’ room alone, so she could relax and calm down.

It has also meant that we have needed to speak with her friends, via the school, to let them know that this isn’t because of them, but rather the way our daughter processes things. Thankfully her friends have been very understanding and supportive of her, and they are looking out for her. Of all the symptoms of autism, this one came out of the blue to us, we weren’t prepared for the response or the emotions it would cause her.

If this is something that your child is experiencing, then you need to speak to the school if it relates to friends they have there. Just giving them a few minutes in the day to themselves, can make all the difference to them.