The Catalyst to My Internal Transformation? COVID-19.
The Intro
Today is Day 89 into my quarantine life and as we’re re-opening up various businesses in Vancouver, Canada, I’m starting to reflect what I’ve learned during these times.
I’d like to share my internal transformation journey to inner peace during the COVID-19 pandemic — how mindfulness meditation empowered me to achieve a clear and present mind which helped me detach myself from my emotions and thoughts.
I’m definitely going out of my comfort zone to be this vulnerable but I feel the value of sharing my experience outweighs anything else. Hope you enjoy and find value in this article.
The Beginning
On March 11, 2020, the World Health Organization declared the global outbreak of COVID-19 a pandemic and the world went to war against an invisible enemy. On March 13 (Day 1), I started to work from home full-time. Initially, I (naively) thought it wouldn’t be too hard but I was wrong. Very wrong.
All the “normal” activities that I had taken for granted had come to a stop — malls, movie theatres, coffee shops, restaurants, gyms, massage clinics were starting to close one by one.
Day after day, there was news about the increasing confirmed cases and deaths due to COVID-19. Hour after hour, there was news about how the stock market is going into a freefall. Moment after moment, we faced an ever-increasing uncertainty.
I have high expectations for myself as a professional. I did my best to maintain my work performance but with the rapid pace of how the world was changing: my priorities changed, my business trips were cancelled, my projects were put on hold — I didn’t know what to do.
We’re not working from home, we are in a crisis at home trying to work.
I’d also love to help others and my community — so during those times, I didn’t know how I could help.
Small things start to add up.
The Tipping Point
On Day 18, I was on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown.
It had been close to 3 weeks since I was forced to abandon my “normal” life — no gym (running wasn’t exactly my type of workout), no social events, no commutes (which I enjoy, interestingly), no office chats, no movies, no eating out.
I reacted to all the external events, noises, changes with frustration.
Reality finally started to hit me. When will the pandemic stop?
I felt — Overwhelmed. Anxious. Angry. Frustrated. Agitated. Clueless. Annoyed. Sad. Lonely. Stressed. And maybe even Depressed.
The easiest thing to do was — play the victim and blame others. I blamed others and external events for my internal suffering.
The Realization
We suffer not from the events in our lives, but from our judgement about them — Epictetus
Inspired by Buddhism and Stoicism philosophies, I recognized the problems I had experienced was not caused by the “events” themselves, but my perceptions of those events.
All external events are neutral and meaningless. They’re neither positive or negative. I was the one that gave them meaning, which means I also have the power to change the meaning.
The root cause of my suffering was inside of me. So, I started to search inside myself.
I discovered that I was living in the anxiety of unknown tomorrow and the pain of suffering yesterday. I was not enjoying the peaceful today.
The Gift
True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future — Seneca
I’ve had prior experiences with meditation before but never made it into a daily habit. I decided to re-visit and try meditation again.
After searching for a meditation app that could provide me with some guidance, I end up using Calm. It helped me track progress each day.
I started with doing 10 minutes of meditation every day (coupled with cold/hot showers and mindful walks). I wasn’t sure how to keep myself accountable so I told myself — Just repeat tomorrow. 10 minutes.
It’s been 70 days straight now since I’ve practiced meditating every day and it’s going strong. It’s incredible how focusing on what one can do each day can be so powerful.
The effects of meditation sessions started to compound daily. I’ve learned to let go of many things. I’ve learned to focus on what I could control. I felt much calmer and much more peaceful. My mind was much more clear.
I started to see myself as observers of my thoughts and emotions and no longer as slave to them.
I found the gift of happiness — in the present moment.
The Change
There are two ways to live: as if nothing is a miracle, or as if everything is a miracle — Albert Einstein
After a couple of days of doing meditation daily, I started to see a whole new world.
I started to feel inspirations coming to me. I started to feel bursts of positive energy flowing through me. I started to see new ways I could approach my work.
I started to enjoy the present — the warm sunlight, the soft breezes of the winds, the flowing clouds, the chirping sounds of birds, the swaying trees and yes — even the wet rain.
I became even more grateful for the things I have — a healthy body, people that love me, the relationships I have, a job I love, a roof, clean water, electricity, food, and more.
I organized virtual social gatherings for my colleagues and friends — which now is turning into an informal high-quality debate club.
I learned new skills to deliver workshops virtually — and successfully did a virtual “world tour” of “stopping” in Asia, Europe and the Americas.
I started to cherish each day of my life — we’ll all die someday and who knows when that day will come. Every morning when I wake up, I felt so grateful I get a chance to live another day.
The Learning
I’m grateful I’ve Learned so many new things in the past couple of weeks.
The biggest learning — Perception is everything. Our perception of “reality” creates the reality we experience.
Challenges breeds opportunities. There’s always opportunity in any situation, it only depends on what you’re looking for. For me, a calm and clear mind helped me find new inspirations and opportunities during the new normal.
The Conclusion
As I reflect, I’ll be forever grateful for the support of my family, life partner, my friends, my colleagues, and my self during these challenging times. I’m thankful for this opportunity to transform myself and for all the learnings I’ve gained in the past 3 months.
I invite you to start your transformation journey and think about — What can you do today to transform yourself?
