The Part Where You Do the Work

Hopes, dreams and manifesting are all quite lovely. They work as much as you do.

I really and truly am working hard to change my narrative. To view myself as a success. To create a healthy perception of myself and what it means to me to be successful.

Turns out this is a lot of work.

This week came with answers and a solution to a problem. The solution is simple and will be resolved within this coming week, but it’s not fun, it’s added work and it’s an interruption to my flow. Welcome to being an adult.

I will give myself hella props though. I recognized this as a bump in the road, not a detour. Throughout the entire process I have remained level-headed, intelligent (stress tends to bring out my inner idiot) and positive.

I have continually said to myself and others, “everything happens for a reason,” and “this is working out in my best favor.” Instead of being filled with dread or even upset, I have namely felt excitement for what this change will bring.

Selective delusion, perhaps. I’m cool with that.

In the midst of all of this I started relistening to Danielle Laportes’ “Fire Starter Sessions,” and it has set my soul ablaze. I understand that sentence may have ended on an awkward note for you. I understand that may sound woo-woo or capricious. You do you.

In this book Danielle discusses focusing how you want to feel and then build your goals accordingly. I love this. I listened to the book a couple months ago, but now it’s sinking in and I my brain is hooked on this concept of how I want to feel.

One feeling I want to feel is at peace, at ease, at the point where there aren’t loose ends. Whatever that feeling is, I want to feel that all over. I constantly feel like I have something I am supposed to be working on, like I have a million unfinished tasks, like there are endless loose ends in my life. Even typing that was awful.

At the beginning of May I sat down to take a look at things. I realized that I was involved in or working on a total of 10 very different things. TEN. Welcome to being an adult. While I know it’s okay to have more than one interest and being well rounded means you’re going to inevitably do more than one thing in this lifetime, for me 10 was too many directions.

If you’re going a million different directions, you’ll never go forward.

I went through all 10 and prioritized them, with myself being the number 1 priority. Your oxygen mask first y’all.

Right then and there I slashed off 2 obligations. I didn’t enjoy them. They didn’t add value to my life. Bye-bye. By the end of the month, without really focusing on it, I had removed 2 more and am now down to 6.

This week I finished up a big project I had been working on for my website It felt good to get it done. But not the kind of good where you running around your home with victory arms up in the air. It took me 2 months longer to do that I had intended and it was but one part of a multi-faceted overhaul on my website. There are those feels of always more to do. Those aren’t the feels I want.

By the end of August I will have completed a project and be down to 5. This weekend I am jumping into the beautiful and delightful endeavor of revising my novel I completed the first draft of a year ago. Seeing this thing all the way through to publication will be a huge success to me. Writing a novel was a big accomplishment in my life. And when it’s all said and done, my priorities will be down to 4.

The goal is 4, with myself being number 1 and someday a family being number 2. I’m a writer and thus I know writing something is always going to come in at number 3. Self, family, career and volunteerism. To me that is a beautiful list and a life free of the constant loose end feelings.

This is all to say, I want to feel like someone who finishes what she started. And that is worth intentionally, continually, progressively working towards.

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