The reason I’m taking off my armour and still standing strong — A tale of vulnerability, self doubt and true enlightenment
Aggghhh! That feeling of ‘not being good enough’ is back. Yip it’s reared its ugly head again — I just knew it, knew it would happen. It makes me feel tense and agitated with my shoulders haunched, my fists clenched and that recurrent feeling of dismay.
This is a primary example of how I ‘armour up’. A phrase that I learnt whilst recently completing Brene Brown’s ‘The Daring Way’ intensive lead by a trained facilitator.
We’ve all been there right? Overcome by feelings of self doubt, a lack of confidence to believe in ourselves and what we’re really capable of. It consumes our every waking moment and keeps us playing small, limiting our potential and stuck in a void of self doubt. It feels restrictive, painful and emotionally draining.
Are you the judge or the judged?
One of the normal ‘armour’ responses to these feelings is to judge others — why? Because it deflects the attention from ourselves. Sound familiar?
So when did you last find yourself criticising someone’s outfit, the way they speak, some work they’ve completed or something they’ve done? And how did that really make you feel?
Gabby Bernstein talks about this in her book ‘The Universe has your back’ and re-emphasises throughout that self compassion is paramount — so when we notice ourselves judging others or being hard on ourselves — we should acknowledge it, forgives ourselves and look at how we can move forward — not to remain in the emotion of guilt or shame.
So why do we do it? Why do we channel these negative thoughts so regularly? The constant cycle of not being enough, not thinking we have the right or ability to reach for the stars and our hearts desire? Or by deflecting the attention and judging others?
Can’t we just say stop and think another way?
Well actually yes we can — If you’re prepared to work at at. You see our brains are complicated things — with over 60,000 thoughts a day — and the likelihood that we have five times more negative thoughts to positive ones — we’ve already got a challenge on our hands before we’ve begun. For me the key to unlocking this negative trait is truth, acknowledging vulnerability and self compassion.
So when we feel those self doubt feelings creeping in the difference is whether we choose to stay with these feelings or let them go. I know — that sounds so easy doesn’t it? Just ‘let it go’ and move on. If only life was that simple — or is it?
You see everything we do in life is about ‘choice’. Choice to feel fulfilled, living our lives on purpose. We get to set our own targets — so why is it that we constantly fight with the comparison gremlin? The self doubt gremlin? The I’m never going to be as thin/pretty/handsome/loved/respected gremlin?
Having recently travelled on my own vulnerability journey, I have stood in the face of truth, channelled self compassion and dare to live my life courageously. What have I learnt?
I stand tall knowing that I matter, as an individual and that I can place as much focus on looking after me as I do for others.
❓Do you place as much focus on your own self care and nurture as you do on others?
❓What would it be like to honour yourself and place your attention on you?
I encourage you to connect with your heart and challenge the self limiting beliefs and strategies you use to armour up and stop you living your life from a fulfilled and wholehearted place. You can start with this four step process using these questions:
Where do I need to be more honest with myself?
What am I disconnected from?
Where do I armour up?
Do I talk to myself like someone I love?
What permission do I need to give myself to be Brave, courageous, honest, more loving
Who are my cheerleaders who support me
Where can I reach out for help?
How do I want to be seen?
What do I really want to do next or how do I want to feel to move forward?
So let me ask you…
❓How often are we truthful with ourselves?
❓How often do we do something that doesn’t actually make us feel alive?
Remember a flower is still beautiful whether we stop to notice it or not. Nature doesn’t judge or criticise — it just accepts that’s how it is. So why can’t we model this and be more loving of ourselves and those around us?
I’ve let down my guard, taken off my armour and embraced just being me, happy in my own skin. Yes it feels a bit raw and shaky at times and yet there is a feeling of liberation and authenticity too.
So I encourage you to join me.
It’s time to stop armouring up, take it off and allow self compassion and self doubt love to take its place.
So I encourage you to try answering the questions above. Once you’ve done that take a post it note and write down the answers to these statements and put them somewhere where you can seen them regularly:
✨The story I’m telling myself is…
✨The thing I’m making up is…
✨What I love about me is…
✨When I’m my stronger self I can…
Like some help with understanding how you armour up?
Happy to be ME hub
The Happy to be ME hub is a closed Facebook group which provides a safe environment where people can share what’s made them connect with gratitude and a sense of community. Everybody support each other and champions each other to become our best selves. We’ll help you be sure that every step is a step in the right direction.
We’d love you to join us. Click here to join
We spend more time suffering in our imagination wondering what could happen then taking charge in the present.
What would it be like to lean in fully to the real authentic you? To mute the voices that tell you you’re not enough and ignore the passion that tells you that you have totally got what it takes to make that choice.
Start 2018 valuing your self-worth and learning techniques to ‘de armour’ at one of my Enlightenment workshops to channel self compassion,stand in your truth and know your worth.
It’s time to be enlightened to the possibilities that life holds for you when you connect with self belief.
It’s time to learn to trust yourself and feel connected to heart, body and wisdom.
It’s time to start living your life from a fulfilled and wholehearted place.
You’re worth it after all — aren’t you?
You can find out more about the workshops by clicking here: Enlightenment