Photo by Paul Bence on Unsplash

Thoughts On Finding The Ideal Partner

I’ve found that when we’re single and dating, it’s easy to develop these notions of what we want in a partner. It helps to remember that it’s more important for us to become the right person than it is to find the right person.

It’s our being that attracts people to us. Do you see a pattern in your life that involves you dating the same type of person? Do you find yourself wishing you could date someone more ideal? The solution can be found in changing how you show up in the world.

If your desire is to find someone who is confident, charismatic, and open-minded, then that’s whom you should consider becoming. So much of life is about growth and learning. And through that growth we evolve into someone different from who we are today.

My story

For a while it seemed like I only attracted women who were completely unsettled. They didn’t focus on their career and were very impulsive.This didn’t make them wrong, it just didn’t exactly align with what I saw for myself. To put it bluntly, I wanted someone who had her shit together. Or at the very least had a vision for their life and were taking steps to realize it. This is what having it together looked like for me.

A few years ago, after at a six-month relationship ended, I started taking responsibility for the pattern I was seeing. I promised myself that I would start choosing differently. But it wasn’t just about seeing someone’s character traits sooner; I also had to become someone different. This involved me taking action.

I started by focusing on my career and education. This led to me taking on new opportunities at work and enrolling in classes to help advance my career.

After a year of living more intentionally and working on myself, I ended up meeting someone who fit the profile of what I wanted in a partner. She had similar values around health, and was ambitious in her career. We dated for over a year and created some fun memories.

Since then, my story of always dating women who were wrong for me has changed. I’ve spent time with some really amazing women.


In order to find the ideal mate, we have to become that ideal partner. What action can you take today towards becoming the person you want to be with?