Throughout my relationships and seeing how others make the most stupid mistakes when they breakup which hurts themselves even more, there’s a few things that helped me heal and move on. As you know from my previous post ‘To you, who just broke up’, I’m a strong advocate of self-love.
These tips below will help you heal faster and will help you love yourself more. I know it will help you too, the point is, whether you’ll read these with an open-mind.
- GET AWAY FROM HIM/HER
If you’re living together, MOVE OUT. Delete the persons Facebook, instagram, phone number, whatsapp… delete every single way of contact. Block them too. Because, according to past experience, they will always come back and talk to you – which makes you want to get back with them again. This is not the right time for you to be friends with that person. You still love them. You’re hurt, you need to heal, and talking to the person or getting back together is the most stupid thing to love yourself. That person has just hurt you, why are you letting them hurt you again?
You can wait until maybe after 10 years, when you’ve truly healed, then you can search them on social media and contact them again. That ‘friendship’ can wait, but the healing of your heart can’t.
2. Delete all photos of your ex from your albums and social media
Why do you want to keep that memory? You need new and better memories with a person that you love and loves you back. Delete them. Burn them. If you can’t, put it in a shoe box and give it to your friend to keep it for you.
You really don’t need to see that persons face right now. It’ll just hurt more.
3. Pack up everything that belongs to your ex
And dump them in trash. Or give it back. Even if you give it back, ask your friend to help. Also, don’t forget to dump the online trails too, like emails, chats, convos, etc. There’s no point of you to see the person anymore. Seeing your ex will just make you hurt more. Seeing their things or what’s related will make you think of them. What you need is FORGET your ex. And focus on yourself.
4. Call/meetup your besties
Your besties of different gender will now serve a different purpose. If you want to talk about things and cry your eyes out, find a female friend. If you want to grab a beer and not talk about it, you should generally find a male friend for that. Ladies are usually more emotional and willing to listen to the complaints/sadness.
By the way, a general rule is not to keep looking for the same friend. You’re pretty negative right now. We get it. But do give your friends a break, so spread out your cries and complaints to different friends so they won’t feel so much burden.
5. Avoid places you’ve been to as a couple
As I know that if you go there again, you’ll just (a)embarrass yourself by crying there or (b)be sad the whole time.
6. Go meditate/yoga/ballroom dance
Other than setting a bit of time to analyse what was wrong like mentioned in my last post, Stop thinking about the relationship so much. There’s no point thinking about it. It’s done. No turning back.
I’ve always had some trouble calming myself when there’s a lot of stress. I keep on thinking and analysing the situation like my mind can’t switch off. After I started going to ballroom dancing, I’ve learnt to calm my mind down when I need to. Meditation and yoga will also help.
7. Watch chick flicks or love movies
A bit weird, but I’m a true believer that you need to get all the emotions out before you can truly heal. So to get the emotions out asap, watch a romantic movie/ to show. Don’t give yourself more than 2 hours to do this every day though, because you’ll get too exhausted from crying. After that, just go to sleep because you’ll be too tired.
( warning: if you have a mental illness, you might need to consult a psychiatrist before doing so as this may make matters worse…’
8. Meet new people
Simplest thing – Join a meetup group. Meeting new friends allows you to have more exposure to what you’re not used to. This excitement alone will get you to forget the times with your ex.
9. Do your favourite things
Be it travelling, eating, shopping… do them. Also take pictures of to document these happy memories, and put on social media. The new people will be attracted by your positive energy. And you’ll get to go out with them, which is great for your healing process as you’ll be happier.
Any more points I have missed? Please comment below so we can help those who need the support.
P.S. If you haven’t read my other post about breakup yet, here’s the link: https://journal.thriveglobal.com/to-you-who-just-broke-up-5693bb275f2