To the girl in her 20s considering settling
This letter is for you, my dear, the girl in her 20s considering settling for anything less than you deserve. This could be in a relationship, a friendship, a job, a living space, whatever it may be. Don’t do it.
Often times we rationalize less than what we deserve because we did that shitty thing, one time, four years ago, and now we think maybe karma is coming back to bite us in the ass for it. Wrong. That is not how life works. Just because you once did something less than perfect does not mean you should even consider settling for anything less than perfect. Perfect for you anyways.
If you found sexts on your boyfriends phone from a girl, don’t you dare make him dinner and try to rationally talk to him about it. He is only going to tell you it was a mistake, and he is so sorry, and regrets it, and will never do it again. Or better yet he will turn it on you, because you snooped. Can we all just take a moment to laugh at that. Okay, now instead of accepting that bull shit, you should laugh, cry, scream, steal all the alcohol in his house, take a long bath and blare music, whatever it is you need to do- do that. Then you are to walk right out that door and never look back. Don’t settle for a man (better yet, boy) who thought you weren’t enough. Truth be told, he isn’t ready for you anyways. It’s not you, it’s him.
If you had a falling out with a friend and you’ve tried to mend the situation yet you are constantly talking to a wall, or trying to kiss that wall’s ass, just remember all the good friends you do have. You know, the ones that drop anything for you, the ones who answer their phone at work in a whisper just to let you vent, the ones who buy 3 large bottles of wine and face masks to celebrate your new move. Those are the ladies you want to focus your kisses on, they will accept them, so stop trying to settle for the friend who is pushing you away. Let her push, you have better things to focus on.
If you have a job that you dread going into, or fall asleep at your desk during, quit that job right now. Don’t waste another second of your time helping someone else pursue their dream if it isn’t also yours. Sure you may be broke for a while, and have to live with your parents again. But it will indeed pay off. You only get one life, don’t you dare spend it settling for a job that doesn’t light you up but pays the bills.
If you are apartment or house hunting and you know what you want but your agent keeps showing you places that are outside of your budget and has rooms barely large enough to fit your mattress, get a new agent. Don’t rush into a place that you won’t be happy to call your home. Because let’s face it, you are going to want to have a house warming party, and if you don’t like where you are at and it only fits 4 people in the living room, your friends sure as hell aren’t going to like it either. Find a place that screams your name, save money, make that place yours.
Settle for nothing less than everything in your 20’s. Not to say you should settle past your 20’s either, but just remember you are young & that doesn’t last forever. There is a plan for you, but settling is not in the plan. Now is the time to focus on you, what you want, who you want to be, what you want in a partner, what kind of friends you want to surround yourself with, these years are made up of defining moments for the rest of your life. Whatever you do, don’t spend them trying to compromise for anything less than what you want and truly deserve. Now is the time to be selfish. You will find the people that accept that selfishness and raise you theirs. Trust me. If you are looking for a sign that says don’t settle, when you’re settling you won’t find it. You will be in denial that you don’t indeed deserve better while your friends are shaking you trying to wake you up from the nightmare you are in. If you are settling, your stomach probably feels a bit weird after reading this. That is your sign. Stop it. Enjoy your 20’s, find a man that is going to treat you like you are the last piece of gold on earth, find friends who know you better than you know yourself, find a home that you can’t wait to come home to- one that makes you want to stay in on Friday nights rather than going out. Don’t accept anything less than what you deserve. Because guess what, you don’t have to.