How to Have a Totally Different Relationship

If you would like to have a relationship that is fun and exciting and you’re willing to go beyond the status quo of what others say is normal, use these 3 relationship tools to create something greater.

Relationships. Joy and excitement. Disappointment and frustration. Sadness and heartache. Most of us have felt the whole range of emotions at one time or another with regards to relationship. When a relationship is new, life is amazing. The birds sing louder. The sun shines brighter. The world is a happy place. When things aren’t going well in a relationship or when a relationship ends, it can be hard to get out of bed in the morning.

What if something else was possible? What if you could have all of the joy and playfulness of relationship without any of the drama, pain and suffering? It IS possible. The question is, will you choose it?

Einstein’s definition of insanity is doing the same thing, expecting different results. Which means, if you would like a different result, you’ve got to be willing to do something different. Not differently, which is a slight variation of what others are doing. But different — entirely out of the box, fully beyond how others function.

If you would like to have a relationship that is fun and exciting and you’re willing to go beyond the status quo of what others say is normal, use these 3 relationship tools to create something greater:

  1. Ask, “What’s the Most Important Thing to Me?

Chances are you were taught that in relationship you have to sacrifice yourself. You are “supposed” to make everything about the other person in order to prove that you care. The opposite is actually true. If you don’t include you in the relationship, if you don’t create your life the way you’d like it to be, your relationship will be unhappy at best.

Here are some questions you can ask:

  • What would I like my life to be like in five years?
  • Do I want to travel?
  • How much money do I want to make?
  • What is it that’s most important to me?

When you are clear on what’s important to you, then you can create a relationship that actually contributes to you having, doing and being all of that. How different would your relationship be if it was an addition to your life, not a replacement for your life?

2. Be Needless

Even though it’s contrary to popular belief, the people that create the most success in their relationships have no need of their partner. When you have no need of your partner, you can have gratitude. When you have need of your partner, gratitude goes away. So, being needless in your relationship is key to creating a great relationship.

If you tend to function from the need of your partner, destroy and uncreate your relationship as it was yesterday, every single day. Destroy and uncreate all of the judgments, expectations, projections, separations, and everything that doesn’t allow you to recognize that it is your choice to be with this person. When you daily choose to be in the relationship, you are no longer functioning from need but rather from the choice of what you desire.

3. You Don’t Have to Get It Right

When we have conflict in our relationship, we start to look for the answer, we do our best to get it right. But, answers never take us beyond what we already know and getting it right never solves anything.

The next time there is conflict or disagreement or something just isn’t working in the relationship, ask questions. Instead of coming to conclusion about what’s going on or about what needs to happen to change it, ask, “What else is possible here?” And, “How does it get any better than this?”

When you ask questions, you move beyond every habit, every thought, every conclusion you currently have which allows things to change.

If having the relationship you desire requires you to be different than everyone around you, would you be willing to choose it? Most of what we hear about relationship is about sacrifice, giving up the things you enjoy, doing everything for the good of the relationship and even though, when you take a look around, you see very few happy couples, creating relationships from this co-dependent place is still considered valuable.

Greater possibilities are available if you are willing to choose it. How different are you willing to be?


Dr. Dain Heer is an internationally renowned author, speaker and facilitator of consciousness and change. Co-creator of Access Consciousness, Dr. Heer invites people to embrace their true greatness — people from every culture, country, age and social strata of society. Originally trained as a chiropractor, he has a completely different approach to healing by facilitating people to tap into and recognize their own abilities and knowing. He is the author of 9 books including, Being You, Changing the World, which is now an international bestseller. A guest on hundreds of nationally syndicated radio and TV shows including Fox News and Gaiam TV, Dr. Heer also hosts a regular radio show called Conversations in Consciousness. Follow @dr_dainheer.