Turn down for what?

For a long time I carried this quiet notion that if I stayed low key, it would make other people feel more comfortable with me. Even in leadership positions, I wasn’t the radical one. This way people wouldn’t feel I was arrogant or overbearing or something I didn’t want to come across as.

I later accepted it was never about making other people comfortable. I stayed low key for me. Shining bright made me uncomfortable because it took away my control. Every time I’ve ever followed my heart, the eventual outcome has been something mind blowing I never saw coming. Subconsciously that scared the heck out of me. So I toned it down. I towed the line and I fell back.

For all the great things I’ve accomplished and the number of accolades I’ve received, what would happen if I actually put my all on the table?

I remember the day I realize I had been playing small. The moment it dawned on me that I was the “they” I had been concerned with. Dimming my own light reassured me that I never had to worry about failing miserably but I also never had to worry about stepping on the stage from my reoccurring dream. I cried my ugliest cry. I let the tears fall. And I talked about it with other people. My shoulders felt lighter, my heart more open and my eyes brighter. I vow to never turn down again.