Want to Be a Better People Person? Do this One Thing.

Most people experience that horrible knot in their stomach when they think of meeting new people, having to make conversations and establish new connections.

Yes — it is scary. Yes — it should be. Our brain is over 2 million years old and is wired to fear uncertain situations that could pose a threat to us; i.e. embarrassing yourself in front of others and then being kicked out of your “tribe”.

However, the small change that has occurred over these 2 million years, is that we don’t have to fear rejection, because being part of a “tribe” will no longer protect us from the saber tooth tiger and the threats we once faced. Times have changed, but so many of us haven’t changed with them.

We still get scared. We still struggle to make connections and those butterflies in our stomach keep coming back. We’re longing for connection, but so often don’t get it.

Here’s how to get rid of these sensations and establish new connections with anyone no matter what the situation.


1. The Explanation

I want you to think of someone you admire right now. Stop. Think.


Who do you look up to? Who is your role model? Who is you idol? Who is someone you really want to be friends with or think is far too cool for you to hang out with?

Now I bet that every person you just thought of either:

1. Is similar to yourself in some way

i.e. You both come from the same town, wear similar clothes, have similar personalities.

or

2. Has something about them that you admire and don’t have yourself

i.e. They are funny and confident, but you aren’t and want to be.

This simple exercise shows us this eternal truth:

People like people who are like themselves or who are like how they want to be.

2. The tool

From this truth we can go on to establish a connection with anyone and everyone by matching and mirroring.

If people like people that are like themselves then if you match and mirror their own behaviour they will immediately like you.

Have you ever had an experience with a really fast talker who speaks so quickly that you can’t understand a word they’re saying and you don’t like them straightaway because of it?

The same can be said for the really slow talkers out there that just get on us fast talkers’ nerves!

Why do they get on our nerves?

Well… it’s because we don’t see part of ourselves in them and there’s nothing we admire about them that we don’t have in ourselves.

Simply put: they’re not coming at you on your level.

So how can you come at someone on their level?

1. Mirror their body language.

Watch the gestures they use, how they’re standing, how they’re holding their hands, how they use touch, how they cross their legs, what posture they have.

If you copy the body language they’re expressing and mirror them in this way, they will immediately feel a connection with you.

2. Mirror their energy

We all know that person that can’t judge the energy in a room and comes in laughing and screaming when someone’s crying in the corner and there has just been an argument. Now, at this exact moment, do we like that person?

No!

Why? Because they’re not matching the energy of the people in the room.

We like people who match our energy levels. That’s why hyper and super energetic people hang out together and lazy people hang out with lazy people.

So when you meet someone for the first time, don’t go charging in at a completely different energy level to that which they’re expressing. Match their energy. If they’re feeling low and slow, be low and slow. If they’re in a peak state and ripping up the dance floor, bust some moves too!

3. Mirror their voice

Now, trying to mirror someone’s accent is a sure fire way to either crash and burn or immediately establish a connection with someone new.

When a South African hears a fellow South African in the crowd, they always go and talk to them. Who would you rather talk to? Someone from a country with an accent you can’t understand or a fellow Englishman or American.

So, mirror people’s voices. Copy their tone, the language they use, their pace, their volume and if you’re brave enough, their accent.

Conclusion

In the end, we are all trying to find new friends, meet new people and create long lasting relationships.

Yet, so many of us fail before we’ve even started.

Use the above tools to get past those first few moments that might lead to a new relationship you hadn’t expected.

People like people who are like themselves or who are like how they want to be.

This is not logic, it’s the truth.

It’s not just a tool either, it’s also a way to have fun. Share it with your friends. Experiment in the train, tube, bus, plane, bar, café.

This truth could be the key to you getting past those 2 million-year-old fears and living as you know you can and desire.

Go and apply it.

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