When a Relationship is Over

…flaws, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Give the once you love wings to fly, roots to comeback, and reasons to stay. — Dalai Lama
Mahvash Mossaed

The most devastating suffering people encounter in today’s time is not hunger or poverty but loneliness. The loneliness we feel after a relationship is over is quite a serious condition which makes our heart burn, ooze, and ache. It is too bad that science has not yet come up with any kind of medicine to sooth and heal the pain of feeling lonely and having a broken heart.

Feeling lonely is like your spirit is coming down with some sort of a virus. It is as though you have this void inside of you, like a deep, dark valley, and everything you have and everything you are falls into this void and is eaten up by hungry dragons down there. Feeling lonely at times could be very much similar as feeling hungry. I think our hunger for food, shopping, money, sex, and success, plainly, is a way of our souls telling us that we are lonely. We are hungry for joy, laughter, love, human contact, and human exchange.

If a relationship is only cracked but not yet completely broken, and the people in that relationship are still intact, the good news is that there is still hope. We can try to erase our memory of the negative inputs, download positivity, glue together the broken pieces, and give another chance to the other person in that relationship to win us over. If after all that, it still does not work out and it all still falls apart, then that would be the right time to dispose of it completely, knowing that sometimes a relationship has to end. Then, we have to acknowledge its death, do our sobbing and our mourning, and go on with our lives. For if we do not, it would be as though we are standing behind a door which has already been shut closed, and we are just hopelessly knocking and knocking and knocking, not realizing that no one will ever answer on the other end. The fact is that no one lives there any more. He/she has long since moved out. It is just an empty, vacant space. Maybe there is some garbage left behind or some scraps of paper, but that is all. Nothing — no person is behind that door, and he/she will never move back there either.

Death of a relationship can be as painful as a real death and can leave a vacant dent in our heart. What helps is knowing that no one is perfect. People can disappoint us. When we don’t expect much from them, then we end up enjoying them for what good qualities they have. So often, we get obsessed with how bad or unfair we have been treated. Rather, we should walk a few steps in the other person’s shoes, just so that we may realize that it is not all about us. We don’t have to be right at all times. We don’t have to gather all the easter eggs in our own basket. We should give others a chance to have a few eggs in their baskets as well and not focus on other people’s negative behavior. Instead, we should stay clear and focus on our own life, and admit that we all, each one of us, deal with our own flaws. We all have insecurities. How we deal with those flaws and those imperfections is what makes us who we are. It is as if God gives each person his or her own particular flaws, and once given those flaws, it is up to the person as to how he/she will deal with it.

Mahvash Mossaed

Personally, I see myself as a picture of imperfection. I know I have so many flaws, but at the same time, I allow myself to have flaws. I think flaws are actually what give people character. They are what challenges a person to be the best she can be. People who are given a perfect situation in life are rarely people who excel. It is those people who are given a hard start that many times become the truly successful people and become the people with character and depth. The most important is to cherish your flaws. Don’t hate them. Love them and work with them. Flaws are like a ball of clay that one is given, and what one can make out of the clay is what matters.

I think if we stay in a relationship, with forgiveness, acceptance, and very little expectancy, we might have a much better chance to patch it all up a good few times before we are ready to throw it out of the window. At least, that is the way I see it. What is your take on this?

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