When did you last visit the mind gym?
It’s time to stop plugging the guilt of self-doubt and step out, reach out and start showing up!
Bones re grow, skin grows back, hair gets longer — but how do you manage your thoughts to maintain mental wellbeing and ultimately resilience?
Many people struggle with resilience because they listen to their inner critics who tell them they are not enough or can’t achieve. We all have them. You know the drill…
You’re just settling down to go to bed. You turn the lights off, close your eyes and then bam — the thoughts start entering your head and wake you up again.
Or you go for a walk and realise as you get back home that you haven’t really noticed where you’ve been because you’ve been all too consumed in your thoughts?
We’ve all been there, right? Overcome by feelings of self-doubt, a lack of confidence in ourselves and what we’re really capable of. The difference is whether we choose to stay with these feelings or let them go.
I know, that sounds so easy doesn’t it? Just “let it go” and move on. If only life were that simple — or is it? You see everything we do in life is about ‘choice’. Choice to feel fulfilled, living our lives on purpose. We get to set our own targets — so why is it that we constantly fight with the comparison inner critic?
It’s amazing how self-doubt can have such a hold on us isn’t it? It makes us feel low or worthless, like we’re under achieving and just stuck. Unsure of where to go next, what decision to make — will it be for the best? Your body feels tense, tired, headachey and fragile. It’s almost like we’re a lesser version of our former selves. I’ve been there I really have and it’s gruelling.
So how would it feel to banish your inner critic? Do you ever find yourself saying any of the following:
“I feel I’m going nowhere — I’m stuck in a rut”
“I feel I’m letting myself and others down”
“No one understands me”
“My head is all over the place”
“I feel I am up against the world”
“I feel bored and uninspired”
“I just can’t seem to achieve what I’m striving for”
“I’ll do it tomorrow”
“I feel unhappy and unfulfilled”
“I just want to give up — it’s not working”
“I could have tried harder”
“Starting again will be too hard”
“I want to feel alive”
“I want to feel happy at work/home/relationship”
“I’m nothing compared to…”
Connect with the feelings you associate with these statements for a moment — mmm not fun is it. It’s time to take back control and manage your mindset. You know you can totally turn these statements around right? It’s just your inner critic — it’s not the strong you who is capable of everything you want and more.
Just the other day I was wrestling with myself over whether I have achieved enough for my age e.g. Am I as successful? Is my house as big as others? Do I earn enough? What else should I be doing? What milestones should I have met by now? I heard that whiney inner crtitic voice that sits on my right shoulder saying I could have done more, I’m not as successful as I could be. Should I be doing the same things as my peers and following their lead? For a moment I felt wracked with guilt that I was letting myself down, wasn’t pushing myself enough.
I am enough
Now on reflection as I sit here looking at it from a different perspective, and questioning the truth of the statements I said out loud I realise that the truth is I am enough. I don’t need to wrestle I just need to be me, to trust myself. You see the key here is the word ‘truth’. What is the truth about what my inner critics are saying? I also recognise that sometimes…
Comparison lures us into feeling compelled to do things so that we feel accepted in society, in our work and amongst our peers.
“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater that your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.” ~ Brene Brown
When I see those questions above in front of me as I type this I realise how materialistic it all sounds. Where’s the heart? Where’s the connection? The purpose? It’s like I have completely removed any alignment with my values and what really makes me feel fulfilled. There’s no authenticity just facts. What I really want to ask myself is:
‘What do I really want when there is no one else around to influence me or provide an opinion?’ ‘What really lights up my world?’
‘What makes me feel energised and excited about the days ahead?’
That’s the real truth here.
My epiphany is would I rather do something to stretch myself for me, not to just follow in the footsteps of others. I want to move forward with MY purpose and not just focus on something that will make me feel better in the short term as I plug the guilt of self-doubt.
I know I want to move forward with a certain area of my life that feels completely aligned with my values. I’m stepping up and sharing with the universe my intentions to keep me accountable and with every breath I take I’m inhaling confidence and exhaling self-doubt. And I’m doing it all for me, no one else. Because I matter. It’s my opinion that counts, no one else’s.
So what would it be like to really shake off the doubt and learn new ways of managing your mindset that allows choice, freedom and a sense of release from feeling like you’re stuck and not achieving? Just imagine what it would feel like to relax your shoulders, start looking up and around you rather than down and a sense of accomplishment and moving forwards?
Below are five tips to help you connect with your stronger self — try them out. Don’t worry if it takes a few goes to really own it — just like a habit takes a while to manifest, changing the perspective will too — every step is a step in the right direction though. It’s a conscious choice to claim back the real you.
1) Your inner critic is just a perspective — what would it be like to give it a name or a persona? Eg talk about it in third person e.g. my inner critic says I can’t do it however I know I can… You might like to consider its appearance and in reality how small it is compared to you when you stand tall and strong
2) Notice and respond to your inner critic and then move on — don’t stay with it — becoming more aware of when it is around and being able to dismiss it may take a while but a great practice to move you forward
3) Ask yourself ‘What’s the truth here?’ Check in with you vs your inner critic — what’s really going on? What is your critic trying to protect you from? And where is it holding you back?
4) Consider a time when you have overruled your inner critic — what did you do? How did you feel? And how could you connect with that feeling again
5) Ultimately remember thoughts are not facts! So shrink that critic and grow your confidence — what would it be like to listen to your inner champion instead? The stronger you who is a capable of everything you want and more.
Take some time today to sit down and really get to know your inner critics. The more you can become aware of who they are and when they show up, the quicker you can acknowledge them, respond and move on rather than stay with them and allow them to overtake your thoughts.
Also note down what changes for you when you are in a more negative perspective e.g. your energy, your language, your behaviour — what habits have you built up?
Ultimately remember that you, and only you get to determine whether you let the inner critics live rent free in your head — perhaps it’s time to serve them their notice!
Would you like some support in taking back control of self care and becoming more resilient?
Happy to be ME hub — come join us!
The Happy to be ME hub is a closed Facebook group which provides a safe environment where people can share what’s made them smile and also be honest about their journey to valuing self worth. Everybody supports and champions each other to become their best selves and connect with their self worth. I share regular tips and techniques to overcome self doubt and make self worth a lifestyle not a luxury. The hub is very much a community. We’ll help you be sure that that every step is a step in the right direction
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