Thrive Global
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Thrive Global

When Your Soul Says No

“Nope,” I thought to myself as the conversation came to a close and we said our goodbyes. “I don’t want this anymore.”

“Okay then,” my heart replied gently.

And with that simple internal exchange, I moved on. Immediately. Effortlessly. Without story. It was simple, clean, and easy. There could’ve been more drama, emotion, frustration, and hurt. A lot, actually. But there wasn’t. It was just… okay then. Like a shrug. A giant exhale.

“Never again,” I cried as I drove home after a particularly challenging night with someone in my life. “I will never tolerate this behavior again.”

“Okay then,” my heart replied knowingly.

And with that simple internal exchange, I let go. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing that person anymore. I knew that I would never, under any circumstances, stay in a situation where I felt that way again. It was simple, but clearly not easy as tears tumbled down my cheeks. Despite the heartache though, I knew I could trust myself enough to no longer tolerate it. It was just… okay then, never again.

“No,” I felt in my bones as I replayed a conversation that really didn’t sit well. “That was not okay, I do not want to move forward.”

“Okay then,” my heart replied clearly.

And with that simple internal exchange, I brought the relationship to a close. It was simple, though it took a bit of time for me to really see it for what it was. Despite the giant delay it caused, it was also fine. There wasn’t any stress or worry. It was just… okay then, this isn’t right… on to the next.

There have been far too many moments in my life where I told myself I was done, only to continue staying for hours… days… months… even years. Chunks of my life where I literally, even physically, could no longer handle a relationship or experience… yet I couldn’t find the strength to walk away. I never honored myself enough to let it — or them — go.

Lately, though, something has shifted.

When I say I’m done… no more… that didn’t feel good or right or healthy… my heart responds with a firm and gentle, “okay then.”

Okay then, we’ll let that person go.
Okay then, we’ll get up and leave now.
Okay then, we’ll no longer work with that client.
Okay then, we’ll never tolerate that again.
Okay then, we’ll be moving on to what’s next.

Okay then. I honor and trust myself enough to do or not do things based on what I desire and what I don’t. Simple. Clean. Quick.

No more spinning, justifying, or explaining things away. No more leaning on outside perspectives from people who think they know what’s best for me, when really they have no clue at all. No more giving second chances when I’m already clear that it’s not the right fit… when I already know intuitively that it won’t work out. No more settling for less than I desire or deserve simply because something decent, good, or even great is standing right in front of me.

Because really, we settle far too often.

We’re so afraid of being alone that we stay in relationships of all kinds which never should have begun in the first place. We’re so afraid of failing that we stay the course and stick with what’s comfortable or easy rather than diving into what we truly desire to create. We’re so afraid of what other people think — of being rude, not meeting expectations, or being judged and abandoned — that we compromise ourselves for the sake of someone else’s comfort and approval.

Really though, it’s simple.

I don’t want this.
Okay then, let’s move towards what we do want.

This doesn’t feel right.
Okay then, let’s stop doing it.

I don’t want to be here.
Okay then, let’s leave and go somewhere else.

I don’t like this person.
Okay then, let’s let this relationship go.

I never want to feel that way again.
Okay then, we have a zero tolerance policy now.

Are there times we have to negotiate? Sometimes yes… but not as much as we try to. I’m not talking about those moments where we’re feeling a, “maybe… let’s see…” I’m talking about those moments where our gut says NO. The NO’s we’re so quick to brush off or intellectualize our way around… because more often than not, we’re trying to make something work that isn’t actually aligned. We’re trying to salvage relationships that probably shouldn’t be in our lives. We’re clinging to people or things for far longer than they’re meant to be in our world.

We’re scared. And in my experience, fear is never a good reason to cling to something that your soul is so clearly saying NO to.


Some of you may argue that we should lean into fear… “fear means we should say yes,” and all that BS. But there’s a difference between a fear of doing things our soul says YES to, and a fear of letting go of the things our soul says NO to. Knowing the difference requires that we’re fully tuned into and present with ourselves and our experience… moment to moment.

It requires being present enough with yourself to notice what your soul is clearly saying NO to, and a willingness to respond with, “okay then.” It also requires the ability to trust yourself enough to do something different once you do.

I promise it’s not nearly as terrifying as it feels.
And it’s worth every challenging choice you’ll make.

Where aren’t you honoring your soul’s NO?

Originally published at



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Stephenie Zamora

Stephenie Zamora

Digital media and production company, publishing house, and full-service life-purpose development, branding, and online marketing boutique.