Why I Choose to Share About My Struggles with Depression
(and why our perception of mental illness must continue evolving)
My grandfather was born in the late 1800’s. A successful physician and community leader, he built a hospital in his hometown and wrote the constitution for the state medical society. But my grandfather suffered from episodic depression so severe that he checked himself into Johns Hopkins hospital several times over the course of his life. Eventually, he lost his practice because of it.
While I did not exactly follow in my grandfather’s footsteps, in my 50s I became very depressed. It may have been triggered by changes in my hormones or a series of crises that came too fast; I will never know. But when I began to have suicidal thoughts, I knew enough to get help. And yet I remember how embarrassed I was to let anyone know I was taking antidepressants.
I was fearful people would think I was weak. How could I urge my clients to Live Large and Be Bold, if I was so weak that I needed drugs to stay on an even keel?
For much of history, mental illness has been stigmatized and viewed as a failure of character or willpower, poor upbringing, the list goes on. These labels leave behind confusion, guilt, and resignation. We don’t get mad if someone has an ear infection. But many people see mental illness as an indication of personal weakness.
And yet we now know mental illness is often be triggered by our biochemistry or by trauma, both physical and emotional. We need to advance toward a more evolved understanding and should never blame the person for the disease.
My wise internist, now retired, told me many years ago that there is no one right way to treat mental illness, but getting help, whether pharmacological or otherwise, is definitely the first step. What I know from being in a family where mental illness was part of our landscape, is that you can still be very strong and very accomplished and create an enormous amount of good in the world, even while you have the challenge of mental illness.
For some, mental illness is episodic, and for others, it is a chronic condition that will require ongoing professional management. Regardless, you (or a family member or a friend) can get help. The difference between myself and my grandfather was that I was able to get the help that worked for my life and my business.
If you suspect that your thoughts may be turning down a dangerous, or excessively negative path, know that it means nothing about who you are or what you are capable of accomplishing. Find help. If the person you decide to share your challenges with makes you feel bad or shameful in any way, find someone else to tell.
It’s important to know that you don’t have to suffer in silence or suffer alone.
