Why Women Don’t Get the Support We Need
We all need support, but most of us struggle to ask for it or receive it when it comes. Needing support is not weak. The weakness is in thinking yourself so strong, self-sufficient or solitary that you ignore your needs, and as a result sacrifice yourself or settle for less than is possible.
One thing I have noticed in my over 40 years of being a woman who was fed the message “You can do it all!” like a bowl of Wonder Woman Wheaties is this:
We women operate like banks who only give withdrawals — we give and give support but we don’t receive the support we need, in our work and families to keep us healthy and well taken care of, and so we bankrupt ourselves — emotionally, mentally, relationally, spiritually, and physically. It doesn’t take my MBA brain to figure out the way we have been taught to lead and live is an unsustainable equation (and a raw deal.)
But women have operated this way for generations. Not having access to the support we need, we have acclimated by stretching and stressing our resources — life force, time, money –and as a result, end up sick, frustrated, exhausted and overwhelmed, resenting the things we love the most. While stretching and stressing is a part of life, our human bodies were not built to sustain that kind of pressure as a way of life.
The truth is: We all NEED support. But as adults, we’ve forgotten and deny this very basic human need
Needing support goes way beyond a list of 7 steps of self-care or being told to get more rest and green drink. We need to FEEL supported at our core to have the strength to meet the world, do our part, shine and keep rising, no matter what.
The deeper support conversation I’m inviting us into is essential for our livelihood and our ability to have the strength to play the long game — to be victorious in our missions, causes and work, and be here for those we love.
If we as women don’t start RECEIVING + FEELING the support we need in our work, our families and relationships, for our health and peace of mind, we aren’t going to make it or be able to accomplish the things we desire to see happen in this world… at least not without sacrificing our own wellness as a result. #femininewisdom
But we can’t wait for the outside world to come by knocking on our door saying, “Ladies, we’d like to support you now. Change the world so you get what you need to be supported while you give and take care of so much.”
We have to start where feminine power and wisdom always starts … within ourselves (as simplistic and spiritually trite as it may sound, and as hard as that can be to swallow, especially within systems and a world not built to support women and children, yet.)
Wisdom is often simple in its truth, but the embracing and living of it is profound:
The support we seek from the outside has to start with the support
we let in, receive, and are open to on the inside. #wisdombyte
For a long time, we have allowed the systems we work and live in to drain and deplete us because in many ways we didn’t have a choice. Trying to change the systems has been like shifting the course of the Titanic.
We don’t ask for or know how to receive the support we need in powerful ways. We didn’t have role models.
We ate the Wonder Woman Wheaties and bought into the “distorted” model of feminine power that says we should be able to do it on our own, figure it out, be stronger, be more self-sufficient. So we do feel alone and like the world is on our shoulders, a lot.
We get swept into the collective fear and lack, and fall prey to the mindset where all we can see is how we don’t have the time or money to get the support we need — which can be and feel very true. But stuck in that place — without the emotional, financial, relational, time support we need — keeps us looping in the very reality we desire to shift.
Here is where true feminine power and wisdom gives us real super powers we can put to practical use in our day-to-day lives, work, families, relationships and choices:
· Require that you are supported in your work and your family and your personal wellness. Not as an entitled brat or a self absorbed bitch but as a woman who powerfully serves others and also takes care of herself
· Know the support you need and ask for it, without apology, or attachment to the form — be open to how it shows up or the person it flows through.
· Liberate yourself from the storyline of lack — in the moments you feel unsupported or without the resources needed, slow down, invite support in, and find the empowered path.
· Ask for and receive support even when, especially when, it feels vulnerable. That’s where courage comes in.
When using Feminine Wisdom to guide your choices and perspective the power is in the inquiry.
Here are 4 wisdom inquiries I invite you to write down, and sit down with your own Inner Wisdom to find the path to the support you need:
1. Where in my life do I feel supported now? This creates gratitude and proof you are supported.
2. Where in my life do I feel unsupported or like I don’t have the support I need to do what is being asked of me?
3. Choose one area you desire more support and ask your Inner Wisdom — What is the support I really need? Be specific and ask your Inner Wisdom not your mind.
4. What is one courageous action you can take in the next 3 days to ask for this support? Do it.
This is how we live the feminine way — we slow down, tap into our wisdom and then respond, in our power and from a place of centered presence, even when it scares us.
To make this even more real, including a guided meditation to tap into your Inner Wisdom about the support you need, join Christine Arylo, MBA, feminine leadership advisor, and Wisdom Teacher for this episode of Feminine Power Time: SUPPORTED! Are you receiving the support you need?