Why You Should Never Forgive Anyone
The Secret For You to Overcome Self-Inflicted Pain.
Most of the time, forgiving others is a total lie. It is not real.
We are all fake. We sloppily project our own insecurities on others, transform the lies into a livable truth, and live a fake life. We are deceiving ourselves first, then we bring others along for the ride. It takes effort to become real again.
What is real is the need to forgive ourselves and move past the desire and feelings of superiority that “require” us to forgive others.
Forgiving others is usually seen as noble or virtuous. There is a dark side to the story.
This is a question that rarely gets asked:
“Should you have to forgive them at all?”
Is the entire situation, drama, and pain entirely your fault?
Did we actually bring these negative emotions, lack of control, and passive acts of aggression upon ourselves? Too often, the answer is: yes. When someone intends to hurt us, works to harm us — then yes — forgiveness is honorable. The moral high ground is to forgive. What about when we have no business being offended in the first place? Our ultimate goal should be to get to state where we never need to forgive anyone, because nothing can hurt us. Our self-worth, value, transparency and openness are self-evident. They are so pronounced that the actions of others can never minimize the measure of our souls.
Fixing a mistake is good. Not making the mistake is better. Yet, we all make mistakes, and the only person we should have to forgive every day is our self. Once we forgive our self, we can move on. We can help others.
If there is a solid reason to forgive, yet the intentions of the person were not to harm, that reason is actually a lie. The lie is that we have the right to get hurt in the first place. The pain is then self-inflicted. Forgiveness is the best answer at that point. Yet, the problem was never real in the first place.
The process is foolish. We create a problem then have to work to get an answer. When you are at peace, forgiveness is not needed. When you are true to yourself, you actually forgive a lot less. But to get there, we need immense amounts of forgiveness. Not the self-serving grandiose forgiveness you “give” to others. No, the pure gift of forgiving yourself first, so then you never have the need to forgive others.
When we stop telling ourselves that we have the right to be hurt, the right to be offended, we then understand that there is another level. This new plateau is a truer place of awareness that doesn’t rely the opinions or actions of others. This place comes from a universal truth. It is the universal source of knowledge that we are good enough as we are. The simple fact that the more we embrace our own personal truth, the less we need validation from others. The need for validation is often what causes the pain. Then to get rid of the pain we need to forgive. It is a hungry cycle.
The road to not needing to forgive others is hard. It takes painful introspection. It is a journey that is never complete, yet always within reach. The more we travel along this path, the closer we get to wholeness.
The road to forgiveness has many checkpoints along the way, the first 3 are:
Show More Gratitude
Gratitude helps us be happier and healthier. Also, besides recognizing a higher power, gratitude is the first step to forgiveness. This foundation allows us to be free from the need to forgive others. The more gratitude we show toward others, the more we respect and value our life. As we grow to love and treasure our current situation, the opinions of outsiders do not affect us anymore. When we thank others, we elevate them, they feel empowered and we all are now living a higher law.
Share Yourself
Don’t hold back. When we pretend to be open, we get hurt. When we want to hide, we get hurt. The more transparent we are, the less we have to hide. The more honest we are, the less chance for betrayal. Only something hidden can be revealed. If nothing is hidden, nothing is vulnerable. We all become stronger the more honest we are.
Respect The Value of Other Humans
We need others. They are real. They need us. Instead of looking at other people as outsiders, we include them. Instead of looking at others as different, we accept them. If we do this, then can connect better. We finally see them as part of us. When we know that without them, the world is not whole, we can adjust our definitions to apply new meaning. The meaning is that we are all on the same team. While we each must perform, we are all in the same game. Life is a journey that we complete together.
Bringing it all together…
We should forgive others less. Not because no one makes mistakes, but because the mistakes do not control us anymore. We have moved past taking offense. We live in the present and value every human. As we forgive ourselves first, the need to forgive others diminishes. Yet, when they ask forgiveness, of course we provide it. That is how we connect. We face the struggles alone, but we triumph together.
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