Would Your Life Be Different

Would your life be different if you were looking at it from a distance, as a woman non-biased to what she already had versus what she thought she didn’t and what she thought she wanted?

Who would you be if you weren’t you?

If you’re single- climbing your way to the top of the career ladder- satisfying every passion and purpose you dreamed of as a girl, would you trade in the Monday-Friday Starbucks and mid-week parties? Would you trade the responsibilities that are stressful yet define who you are for the life of a woman with kids to come home to- one boy and one girl to be exact. Is it what you need to feel a kind of significance that is greater than yourself?

Who would you be if you weren’t a busy mom with a busy life filled with thoughts of what it would be like to just be you again? To hear nothing but the silence you never realized you took for granted- and the freedom. And, if you had the freedom; would you even be able to appreciate it fully for what it is without having raised children and without planning every trip out of the house with a baby, planning every grocery store outing around a toddler’s nap time and every Saturday around a soccer game or dance competition?

If your life was different would you miss the chaos, the madness and moments of total mayhem? Or, would you relish in the fact that you don’t have to worry about kids getting sick and doctors’ appointments, last minute projects and forgotten lunches? What would you do if it could be different? Would you change it?

Can you turn it and make it spin the way you want to? Or can you not because the fear of the unknown makes those wanted changes fade and fade until they eventually disappear altogether and bring you with it?

Who would you be if you didn’t pride yourself on being the ideal wife framed neatly with the square of perfection all around you? Who would you be if not the wife who thrives on the excellence you have created for your home, your community, your marriage, your kids, but mostly yourself? Would your life be different if you didn’t worry about the way your hair looked, what others said about you or the coach purses you hide under the bed to avoid another fight about money with your husband? If you could direct that power you crave somewhere else where would you point it?

Would you, still be you? If you want to start over but see unhappiness as the only option it must be the fear that stops you-the unexplored. Yes, the unexplored that you see if you close your eyes tight enough to envision yourself as good enough but not perfect like an unframed picture.

Or would you rather be a single mom, happy to be single but sad to be alone? Happy for yourself but devastated for your children yet too ashamed to admit it? Would you rather be free but lonely and stripped of the joy your kids bring you every day and each night? Would it destroy you or would it make you better?

The thing is that you would be different because the experience of giving birth for the first, second, third, or even fourth time proved you had a power within you that you never knew you had.

You would be different because you thrive in your field and are passionate about the cause, the purpose, and the meaning. Not just the money and ease of life it brings- but the money your success has paid you.

You would be different because if you weren’t working outside the home filling your need for adult interaction and coming home to your babies and husband who loves you, there wouldn’t be the balance that you crave to stay fulfilled. You wouldn’t have a little taste of each world each day- the world that is enough and that is right for you.

You wouldn’t be you because even though genetics and childhood play a part in who you are your experiences influence the mold that goes into shaping you into who you become.

If you really ask yourself and feel a pang in your gut telling you something is missing then go figure out what it is and do it now before you lose the courage. Before you close this article and move onto another and forget all about the passion, the realizations, the old you and the new you that crossed your mind.

If you ask yourself and you feel like you wouldn’t be anybody different or couldn’t picture life any other way other than the moments you are living in, then keep your cup full by cherishing and reflecting on every memory made. Every city visited. Every child born. Every promotion. Every good deed that you have ever given or received. Every anniversary with your husband. Every mistake that created an accomplishment. Every heartbreak that propelled you to find the love of your life.

Have confidence, conviction, trust, and belief in the way you live and the way you love even when others don’t.

Your life may feel small scale, meaningless, filled with questions, hesitations, and uncertainties but it’s yours.

When you look out the window at tomorrow and towards the future, do you see nothing? If so, then figure out what you can do differently to have the desire to want to sit by the window and gaze at the reality you’ve created or are creating.

Don’t just follow along with the lines you think must be already written for you.

Be the someone who has written your own story with your own words, your chapters, and your ending. Be who you want to be. Be you.

Like what you read? Give Stephanie Portell a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.