Here’s the Simple, Low-Drama Formula You Can Use to Control a Narcissist

So you want to learn how to control a narcissist and get what you want from them, and you want to avoid drama in the process? Good news: here’s what you can do.

Maybe it sounds a little sneaky, trying to teach you how to control a narcissist, but the fact is that if you’re in a relationship with one, you might need to figure out how to control him or her, especially if you’re the victim of gaslighting or narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury.

While you can pretty much rest assured that you’ll never be able to fully control or predict the narcissist’s actions and behavior, you can occasionally use certain tactics to temporarily deal with a situation and potentially avoid arguments or further manipulation.

How to Control a Narcissist: Use Their Narcissism Against Them

The benefit of having studied narcissism and those affected by narcissistic personality disorder for me is that it helps me to both write for you and to deal with the narcissists in my own life. And today, as you’re reading this, the benefit is that I’m going to teach you how to their own narcissism against them in order to get what you want from them.

Please note: this tactic is only effective when you stay focused on it. It does work, but it is EXHAUSTING and is only meant for short-term benefit. One cannot live like this forever, so don’t discount the value of going no contact with a toxic narcissist.

Stroke their ego like it’s a well-groomed cat.

So, if you’re able to understand how a narcissist’s mind works, you can use their weaknesses and strengths to get what you want from them. For example, every narcissist needs to feel admired and “better” than everyone, so one way to get what you want from a narcissist is by stroking their ego.

Related: Learn more about how a narcissist’s mind works.

One simple way to do this on a consistent basis is to NOTICE every time they do anything that helps you in any way and to act like it made them your hero. Then, lay on the compliments. This will make the narcissist feel pretty warmly toward you, at least for the moment, and that’s always a good way to get what you want.

Point out people who could make them feel threatened.

Another option is to point out the competition. Since a narcissist needs to feel like they’re the best at everything, if you want them to do something better, you could point out how well another person does it.

For example, if your narcissist husband refuses to help around the house, you could point out how much your neighbor’s man seems to do around their place and how much she brags on her helpful hubby.

Done carefully and under the right circumstances, this kind of technique could trigger your narcissist to, at least temporarily, step up their game.

But that temporarily part is the key; when it comes to a narcissist, you’ll have to accept that their motivations are different than yours. If you stay in a relationship with one, you’ll need to be prepared for the extreme highs and painful lows that come along with it.

Kiss their proverbial butt at all costs.

When it comes to a relationship with a narcissist, the truth is that no matter what you do, they are always going to find something wrong and something to rage about.

The narcissist can’t help it — it’s just part of what makes them who they are. So, if you want to get something from a narcissist, do your best to walk on eggshells during the time leading up to your request. Do whatever you need to do to keep them calm.

Here’s the truth, though. Narcissists do not change. So unless you want to keep living this way for the rest of your life, seriously consider going no contact.

Can’t do it because you have kids or no money? You’re not alone, but you should still keep working on your plan to leave.

In the meantime, you might have to live with it, but that doesn’t mean you’ve got to accept it. There are plenty of ways to deal with the manipulation and abuse that comes with these kinds of relationships. The most highly-recommended, of course, is the whole no contact thing — but that’s not always possible for everyone in the short-term.

So, what about you? Are you in a relationship with a narcissist, and if so, do you deal with these kinds of manipulation? How do you get what you want from your narcissist, if you do? Share your thoughts below — I’d love to discuss this with you.

Originally published at queenbeeing.com