The Building Blocks of Love

The ancient Greeks had eight words for the various types of love:

• Philia: affection
• Eros: sexual
• Storge: family
• Agape: selfless, universal, spiritual
• Ludus: playfulness
• Pragma: practical, routine, habitual
• Philautia: self-appreciation, self-worth, confidence
• Mania: curious, obsessive

We all feel various combinations of these types of love for the people in our lives. Eros is the only non-platonic form of love, the other seven varieties are present in frienships depending on the specific context of the relationship.

Yes, friendships are relationships too.

Philia looks different to different people because it depends on your love language. For example, my love language is acts of service, so I tend to do things for the people I feel philia toward. This can get me in trouble if I over-commit, or if my efforts are not appreciated the way I need them to be appreciated, but it’s my default display of affection. Some people buy little gifts, some people use their words, some people spend lots of time with the people they care about, and some people hug and cuddle, or any combination of the above.

Eros is sexual passion. Asexual individuals don’t typically feel this, and demisexual people need strong bonds of the other forms of love before eros develops. If you see someone you find sexually…